


Alleycat

by thecopperriver



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Bullying, Character Death, Eventual kylux, Found Family, Grief, M/M, Minor Violence, Resistance AU, little Ben Solo, past violence against a child, street kid Hux
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-06
Updated: 2016-12-07
Packaged: 2018-07-12 17:32:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 31,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7115560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thecopperriver/pseuds/thecopperriver
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The course of Hux's life changes when his parents retreat from Arkanis without him.  He's forced on to the streets, until a chance encounter sees him find a new family, and a new path.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've fallen into the Kylux trashpile! Hope you all enjoy my first venture. Thanks muchly to all my friends who listened to me worrying about whether this start worked and brainstorming, particularly [My_Trex_has_fleas](http://archiveofourown.org/users/My_Trex_has_fleas/pseuds/My_Trex_has_fleas) for her endless patience for reading three drafts of it. 
> 
> Also thanks to [monkeydra](http://archiveofourown.org/users/monkeydra/pseuds/monkeydra) for translating the space Spanish for me. Though if there's any mistakes, it's totally on me. All translations can be seen by hovering over the Irish/Spanish, or at the bottom of the chapter.

For once Arkanis’ skies had stopped their near-constant downpour.  It’s an opportunity to get some finer work done under the weak sunlight filtering through the clouds, and Hux intends to take full advantage.  He’s leaning down to retrieve his tools when he hears a suspicious sniffling sound.  Hux eyes the little kid who has collapsed, crying in a heap near the entrance of the alley he had claimed as his own.  Skin darker than his, though not in such a way as to betray non-human heritage, curls mussed, but his clothes aren’t ragged enough to mark him as street.  Not like Hux himself. 

Those same street-honed instincts that had allowed him to stake his claim urge him to hide, at war with his impulse to help.  He knows what it’s like to be lost and alone.

Before he’s consciously aware of making a decision, he’s almost at the lump of tragic boyhood.  “Hey, are you alright?” His voice is gentler than he’s spoken to another human being in years.

The lump sniffles, and uncurls enough to blink big watery brown eyes at him.  “I can’t find Mami and Papi.”

The redhead crouches down next to him.  “Where did you see them last?”

“Over there, b-by the fountain.”  The boy’s tears seem to be drying up now that he has someone to talk to.  His pudgy fingers point out the fountain where Hux sneaks drinks, or if he’s really fortunate, a quick bath.  It’s much better than trying to scrub clean under Arkanis’ near-constant rain.

Hux rises to his full – not very impressive – height in an effort to spot someone who looks like the boy, but doesn’t have any immediate luck.  “I can’t see them,” he says, which is greeted by renewed sobs, “but how about you sit on my shoulders and we’ll go look for them?”

“Mami says I shouldn’t go with strangers,” the boy replies, though he looks like he wishes he could.

Pfassk.  But Hux is familiar with the impeccable logic of children, and has a way around that.  “But we’re not strangers now.  My name is…” he pauses here, knowing the effect his last name has on everyone.  But he can’t remember his given name…  Mother and Father had called him ‘son’ or ‘boy’, and all the servants had referred to him as ‘young Master Hux.’  “I’m Dearg.”[1]  The epithet tagged on to him by the other street kids would have to do.

“Are we friends then?” the kid asks with a beaming smile, marred by the tears and snot that have run down his face.

“Aye.  And friends help each other when they’re lost.”  Hux finds himself smiling back, the boy’s enthusiasm infectious.  Not that it showed anywhere but his eyes, softening the hard pale jade.  His icy, impassive stare had saved him from trouble more than once.

“Yay!  Thanks, Dearg.  I’m Poe.”

“Nice to meet you, Poe.  Do you think you can stand and climb on my shoulders?”

“Of course!  Papi says I’m the best at climbing.”

It takes a little effort, and Poe’s fingers catch in Hux’s long tangled hair more than once, but eventually the smaller boy is seated on his shoulders.  It’s fortunate that despite the lean portions of the past few years, Hux still has strength in his wiry frame.  His hands come up to grasp Poe’s knees and, boy secured, he strides out of the alley pretending like he belongs.

Whether it’s Poe’s presence or his faked confidence, no one gives Hux more than a second glance, and for once those come with smiles rather than glares.  It’s a strange feeling, one he warns himself not to get used to.  It won’t last.

“Can you see them, Poe?”

The boy sniffs again, grasping at Hux’s hair for comfort.  Hux winces, but thankfully Poe has the sense not to pull.  “N-no, I can’t see them anywhere!”

Hux sighs internally, but he knows that feeling of panic all too well.  “Hey, it’s alright.  We’ve only just started looking, and I’m sure your parents are searching for you.” 

‘ _Must be nice.’_

In the end, it’s Poe’s parents who find them.  One moment, Hux is scanning the crowd and the next he hears a joyful shout.

“¡Poe!  ¡Hijo!”[2]

Before he can turn, Hux is caught up in a collision with two larger bodies.  He flinches, _hard_ , fighting every instinct he’s learned to keep himself from lashing out with one of his hidden vibro-knives.  Even harder to fight are the memories of the last time he’d had to use them.

“¡Hijo! ¡Te hemos estado buscando por todas partes! ¿Dónde has estado?”[3]

“Me perdí Papi, pero Dearg me ayudó.”[4]  Poe is crying again, but Hux can tell this time it’s because he’s relieved.

He can also feel it when the two adults, presumably Poe’s parents, startle back.  He hadn’t understood a word Poe had said aside from the name he had given, though it was enough to remind them their son was not alone.  His presence had been overlooked in their reunion, but now Hux shrinks from their scrutiny.  He knows what they’re seeing: long, tangled red hair, tattered clothing, scrawny body, and despite his best efforts, everything about him is filthy.  At least today he doesn’t have any bruises visible.  Still, he’s certainly not the kind of boy who such concerned parents would want hanging around their child.  Hux wishes he could run, but Poe is still on his shoulders and one hand has a death grip on his hair.  All he can do is brace himself for the beating that’s sure to come.  No one on Arkanis had any desire to be reminded of the Hux boy’s presence, and his colouring is a dead giveaway as to his parentage.

Hux closes his eyes when he feels heavy hands grip his shoulders, ready, but wishing that they’d at least take Poe away first.  He’d like if the boy could remember him fondly, however unlikely it is.  Plus, he could get hurt.

_‘Just get it over with,’_ he thinks fiercely.

Instead of the expected punch, Hux feels the arms wrap around in a firm embrace, the first he’s had since…  He quickly shuts that thought down.  He thought he’d mastered keeping recollections of the past in his memories, where they belong.  All he needs is what will help him survive.  There’s no use dwelling on what he’s lost, and today has been terrible for his equilibrium.  He just wants Poe off his shoulders so he can slip away already.

“Thank you so much for helping my boy.”

_‘What…?’_ Hux stands frozen in the unexpected hold.  This gentleness is so far outside his experience that his reply comes out sounding more like a question.  “You’re…welcome?”

When he’s released at last, the man stands and holds out a hand in offering.  His grin is just as brilliant as his son’s through his beard, dark eyes crinkling around the corners in the lines of a life spent smiling.  “Uh, I suppose I should have introduced myself first.  I’m Kes Dameron, and this is my wife, Shara Bey.  Thanks for finding Poe, he was a lot easier to spot sitting on your shoulders.”

Hux finds himself hesitating to return Kes’ introduction.   _‘As soon as they know who I am… this will all change.  Better to keep my name to myself for now.’_   At least the years on the streets had worn the edges off his clipped Imperial accent, replacing it with the softer tones of local Arkanisian.  He grits his teeth and returns the handshake.   “I’m Dearg.  And it was no trouble, but I should be heading off now.”  Before he wears out his welcome.

“No, Dearg, you’re my friend!  You can’t leave so soon!  Mami, Papi, can Dearg come back to the hostel with us?” Poe protests, resistance from an unexpected quarter.  He’d thought that the kid would forget about him once he was back with his parents.

“Well, he’d have to ask his…” Shara’s voice falters when her sharp eyes truly take in Hux’s state.  Too ragged to have anyone looking after him, much less anyone to ask for permission.  “Sure, hijo, your friend can come with us.  You’ll have to share your room with him though.”

Poe doesn’t seem at all dismayed by the suggestion.  “Yay!”  His flailing celebrations threaten to topple the taller boy over, at least until Kes reaches out a hand to steady them.

Instinct has Hux blanking his face while he tries to figure a way out of this situation.  _‘Can’t let them corner me.  Going back to their hostel seems too much like a trap._ ’  He pats Poe on the knee, saying, “thanks for thinking of me, but I really shouldn’t.”

“Nonsense!” Kes booms, slapping Hux on the back in a way that’s probably meant to be friendly, but the heavy contact just makes him cringe.  “We’re in debt to you; the least we can do is have you back to our hostel for awhile.”

Hux seizes on the word ‘awhile’, at least they aren’t planning to keep him there indefinitely.  “I really can’t.  I have a felinx kitten I’ve adopted, I can’t just leave her alone.”

“A kitten!” Poe almost squeals in excitement.

His parents smile indulgently.  “Well, that settles it, Dearg.  You’ll just have to bring the kitten too.”

Trapped, Hux nods his agreement.

“Can I come with you, Dearg?”

The redhead tilts his head back as far as the can to eye the boy on his shoulders, shrugging in defeat.  “Sure, why not?”  Poe is so enthusiastic it’s difficult to say no to him.  He feels as if he’s been adopted as an older brother already.  Turning to Poe’s parents, Hux says, “can you wait here for us?  I won’t be long.”  An engrained habit, to show his lair to as few people as possible.

Hux had lucked out there.  The almost constant rains on Arkanis had worn away part of the building’s foundations, and there was a low hollow space underneath with an entrance just large enough for someone as lean as him to sneak through.  The floor was slanted down towards the hole, creating a stream that kept the rest of the hideaway dry.  Inside, Hux had fashioned himself a sort of nest of stolen blankets that his little felinx kitten was curled up in now.  It’s not uncommon for other stray animals to join them on cold or particularly wet nights.

“Is that her?” Poe asked in a hushed voice, careful not to startle her.

“This is Millicent.”  Hux settles into a crouch and makes the ‘chrring’ noise he uses to coax her out.  The little bundle of orange fur chirps and unfolds to rub herself against Hux’s shins.

Poe looks at him with shining eyes.  “Like Millicent and the Star Knight?”

“Exactly,” Hux feels a grin tug at the corner of his mouth.  “That was my favourite story when I was little.”  He scoops Millie up and lets her rub her head against his chin.  “Do you want to hold her?”

The smaller boy nods shyly.  “Can I?”

“You need to support her hind legs like – this,” Hux holds Millicent out, adjusting Poe’s hands.  “Just be gentle and you’ll be fine.”

While Poe is distracted with the kitten, Hux gathers up his few possessions.  The datapads he’d snuck out of his parent’s house as well as the ones he’s found in the trash and repaired, his tools, and the small pile of salvaged spare parts he hasn’t used all go into the canvas rucksack that had been his father’s.  On top of all that, he stuffs in the tattered winter coat he’d found in an alley.  The heavy pack goes on his back before looking back at Poe.

He has to grin at the delighted look on the younger boy’s face.  Poe clearly adores Millie already, and she looks pretty contented purring in his arms.

“Are you ready to go?”

Poe nods eagerly.  “Let’s go show my parents your felinx.  I think Papi will like her.”

Hux boosts the smaller boy out the gap and hands Millie to him before climbing out himself.  Both of the Dameron adults look pleased that Hux and Poe are getting along so well, and Kes indeed is taken by Millie.  He and Poe pass her back and forth for much of the walk back to the hostel, though at last she settles into her favourite spot curled into the side of Hux’s neck.

The first sign of the unpleasantness Hux had been expecting all day came when they walked into the lobby.  The Arkanian clerk sneers at Hux and turns to the Damerons, saying “I’m sorry, but you can’t bring that filthy animal in here.”

_‘Is he referring to the felinx, or to me?’_   Hux is ready to duck back out of the hostel and back to his squat, but Kes wraps his arm around Hux’s shoulder while Shara walks over to the clerk.

“Should we take our business elsewhere then?  Nothing was said on check-in about a no animal policy.  And I’ll have you know the felinx is very clean.”

Shara’s stern gaze has the clerk shrinking away. 

“I apologize, I should not have said that.  Your…animal is welcome to stay.”  He leans in conspiratorially to Shara, but doesn’t speak quietly enough to evade Hux’s sharp ears.  “I hope you know who you are bringing in to your room though.  The street urchins around here can be very disreputable.  I would not  wish for you to wake to find your room burglarized, or worse.”

Shara manages to look down her nose at him, an impressive feat for a woman at least half a head shorter.  “I would ask you not to question our choice of guests.  I heard this was a reputable establishment, not one that would question their guests repeatedly.”

“S-sorry,” the clerk stammers at last, clearly afraid of losing their business.

Hesitant warmth blooms in Hux’s chest.  He hasn’t had anyone speak up for him in…  _‘No, you can’t trust this.  As soon as they find out who you are, you’ll be on the street again.’_

Their rented suite spreads out in front of Hux when Kes opens the door.  It’s well appointed, though not as luxurious as his father’s estate.  Still, he almost doesn’t want to step inside.  Three years of living on the streets, having people look at him like he’s less than dirt, it seems like he’ll sully it with his mere presence.

_‘Deal with it, Hux.  Don’t show your hesitation.’_   His pause is only momentary, brief enough he doubts the others have caught it.

The rest of the evening passes like something from a dream of better days.  They order local Arkanisian food, more than enough for the four of them.  It seems the food is exotic to this family, but the familiar dishes are a comfort for Hux.  Kes and Shara don’t ask any awkward questions over dinner, and Hux finds himself relaxing in spite of himself.  Poe does even more to lighten the mood, playing with Millicent on the floor in between mouthfuls of food.  It’s a normal, family evening, and Hux can scarcely believe it.  Not until Poe is getting tucked into bed does Hux’s anxiety come back.

Shara shuts the door to Poe’s room behind her, boy asleep in his bed, and to Hux it sounds like the fall of a judge’s gavel.  Now they have him alone, don’t have to worry about what Poe will think of what his parents do to his new friend.  Hux tenses where he sits, prepared to flee but uncomfortably aware Kes is between him and the exit, and he would have to leave Millie, all his tools, everything he’s scavenged behind.  _‘You can take a beating, Hux.  You’ve done it before, just grit your teeth and bear it, and then you can leave with all of your things.’_

“You have a strong resemblance to your father, young Hux,” Kes begins.

Hux is on his feet before he can override the impulse, every instinct screaming to _get out now_.  “I’m sorry, I’ll just go.  I’ll never bother you again, just please…”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” Kes raises his hands.  “It’s alright kid.  I don’t know what you think we’re going to do, but we knew who you were when we asked you here.”

If he thinks that’s going to calm Hux, he’s underestimating the panic that’s overtaken the redhead.  No one who knows who he is has _ever_ had good intentions.  _‘Pfassk, how do I get out of here?’_

Now Shara’s in the way, striding over to stand by her husband.  Hux blinks and straightens a little when she gives Kes an open-palmed smack to the back of the head, shocked out of his spiralling thoughts.

She shakes her head and gives Hux a conspiratorial smile.  “My husband means well, but he doesn’t always think about what he’s saying.  I’m sure you’ve had difficulty because of who your father is.  What Kes _meant_ is that we don’t hold it against you.  You can’t help who your parents are.”

When it sinks in that he’s not in immediate danger, Hux’s legs almost give out in relief.  He sinks back into the heavy chair, numb.  “How did you know my father?”  His voice sounds hollow and resigned.

“I was a Lieutenant, a pilot for the Alliance.  Kes was in the Pathfinders, and fought beside General Solo on Endor.  Everyone in the Alliance had heard of Commandant Hux.”  Shara smiles gently to take the sting from her words.

_‘How in the stars are two rebels the first kriffing people who don’t hate me on sight?’_

“So what’s your name, really?  I doubt your Imperial father would have named you something from a local tongue, and you probably don’t want us calling you ‘Hux’ all the time,” Kes asks.

Hux curls into himself as he makes his admission, Millie jumping up to join him.  “I don’t remember.”

Kes and Shara exchange looks, but don’t press.  “Do you mind if we ask…how did you wind up on the streets?”  It’s Shara who voices the question.  “You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.”

“No, it’s fine.”  Hux is almost eager to tell them at this point, the first people who seem to care since his parents left.  “I put this together in the years after they left, reading my father’s notes and datapads he left behind.  When the Imperials threw the last of their efforts in for the battle over Jakku, my father had apparently been planning to leave Empire space if they lost.  When the news came, he packed up in a hurry and left behind everything he didn’t think was important.  Apparently that included me.”

He looks steadily down at his hand buried in Millicent’s plush fur as he speaks, but he can hear them both gasp when he finishes.

“They just left you behind like that?”

“I heard them calling for me, but I had been hiding in the secret fort I’d made in my closet.  I thought I would see them at dinner, but I woke up to an empty house. I lived there until a family who supported the New Republic moved in and kicked me out.  Since then…well, at least I have Millie to keep me company now.”  He leaves it at that.  No need to tell them about how hard it was on the streets, how he couldn’t trust anyone, not even the gangs that most street kids formed.  Pity was useless, it just made him feel weak.

“Hux…Dearg… I know you don’t know us very well, but you can stay with us as long as you want.”

Hux’s head snaps up as he stares at them incredulously.  “What?  How can you just trust me like that?  Everyone else seems to think I’m copy of my father who’ll murder them in their sleep.”

To his disbelief, Kes actually _smiles_ at him.  “I don’t think a murderer would adopt stray kittens.  Even more unlikely that they’d help a little boy crying for his parents.  Living with us might not work out, but we’ll make sure you have a place to stay, even if it’s not with us.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [1] Red (Irish)
> 
> [2] Poe! My son!
> 
> [3] My son! We've been looking everywhere for you! Where have you been?
> 
> [4] I got lost Papi, but Dearg helped me.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux tries to adjust to being part of a family once more.

The shower is a soothing balm, the hot water running over his scrawny form the best thing he’s felt, well…ever.  Even though he can’t wait to get clean, _really_ clean, for long moments he stands motionless with his head bowed under the pounding spray.  So much has changed for him in the past few hours, he’s still struggling to process that the Damerons are willing to help him.  Even when they know exactly who he is.  Stars, Poe is already treating him like a brother.

_‘How did I run across people like this?’_   Hux loves his parents dearly, and misses them no less than the day he’d found them gone – at least when he allows himself to think about them.  But the Commandant had been preparing him for a life in Imperial service, and Hux had to earn all of his privileges.  To be given a place to stay, food, clean clothes with no expectations…  The streets had taught him to fight for everything.

To his dismay, Hux realizes that not all the wetness on his face comes from the water.  Tears are streaming from his eyes, and he tries frantically to knuckle them away.  _‘Don’t you kriffing lose it now!  Crying like a little baby cause people are_ nice _to you.  Your father would be ashamed of how_ weak _you are.’_

No matter how he tries, he can’t stop himself from breaking down, sobs wracking his thin form.  All he can manage is to stay quiet.  The last thing he wants is Kes or Shara to hear him, to think Hux doesn’t appreciate what they’ve offered him.  He hasn’t cried since the day when it truly sank in that his parents wouldn’t be returning for him.  Can he really be doing so now because he’s _happy_?

* * *

_The pantry shelves are almost bare of everything the six year old knows how to make.  Hux eyes the top shelves, hopeful that there’s still something that he just hasn’t seen yet.  His father would scold him if he saw, but Hux is desperate enough to make an attempt to scale the shelves like a ladder.  He succeeds in climbing most of the way to the top before an unstable shelf comes loose under his weight and sends him tumbling to the floor._

_Sitting on the floor looking up at the empty shelves above breaks something in the little boy.  He’d been holding on to hope that if he rationed his food carefully, like his father had taught him in lectures about survival, he’d be ok until they came back for him.  But his parents are gone, fled, and if they were going to come back for him…  Tears well up in Hux’s eyes when he realizes he’s all alone.  If he wants to survive, he’s going to have to rely on himself.  He swipes angrily at the trails of salt as he eyes the shelves with new determination, climbing in spite of the tears that blur his vision._

_For all his effort however, all he finds at the top are some staples for baking, and he has none of the other ingredients, even if he knew how to make anything with them.  Absently, he finds himself walking through the cavernous rooms of the estate, each echoing step reminding him that everything he’s known is gone.  That day is the first time he ventures out by himself; the first time he tries his hand at theft.  It’s also the first time he learns that his name has a legacy attached to it, and it’s not a pleasant one._

* * *

And now, in spite of his name, he’s found people willing to look out for him.  It can’t last, but… _‘just take things as they come,’_ he urges himself.  _‘Even when things turn bad, you’ll be better off than you were before.’_

He still can’t control the sobs shaking him through.  It’s as though his body has stored all the pain he’s experienced, and is trying to purge it now that he has a safe place to do so.  He tries to ignore the tremors in his hands as he grabs a bar of soap to scrub away the layers of dirt on his skin.  More than once it slips through his unsteady grasp, but the grime sloughs off nonetheless.  Next comes his hair, and he spends a great deal of care on combing out the tangles and dirt.  For once he has the luxury of actual shampoo and conditioner rather than a sliver of stolen soap, and he intends to make the most of it.

The tears diminish as he cleans himself, and by the time the water begins to run cool, Hux feels wrung out and numb once more.  His skin is a brilliant red from all the scrubbing, stinging slightly.  Though reluctant, he steps out of the small cubicle and dries himself in the steamy warmth of the fresher.

It’s a relief that he doesn’t have to put his old, filthy rags back on.  Shara had gone through her clothes and given him a soft tee and workout shorts.  He’s close to the petite woman in height, but the fabric drapes loose around his lean body.  At least the shorts have a drawstring, so he doesn’t have to worry about them falling off.  The lack of sleeves and pants presents him with a new problem however.  Hux hasn’t gone without having at least five blades concealed on his body since being expelled from his father’s estate.

_‘Can I trust them?’_   The answer Hux comes to is _‘yes’_ , at least when it comes to doing harm to him themselves.  However, he’s not yet willing to rely on them to intervene when another causes trouble.  And in his experience, it’s inevitable that trouble will follow, sooner or later.

In the end, he manages to strap the knives which usually go on his forearms to his biceps instead, the sleeves of the tee at least long enough for that.  Another blade gets tucked in the waistband of the shorts.  His remaining knives are bundled into his towel, to be tucked away in his rucksack before Kes or Shara realize he’s armed.

When he emerges from the fresher, both adults look up from their discussion and smile awkwardly at him.  From the slight tension in the air, Hux gathers that it had been about him.  In some ways, it actually reassures him that they aren’t entirely without reservation about taking him in.  That they’re taking the time to talk things over means it isn’t a whim; he’s not going to find himself back on the streets once the novelty wears off.

Shara stands first and holds out her hands.  “I can take that towel off you, and then we can get you set up in Poe’s room.”

Reflexively, Hux clutches the towel closer.  “That’s ok.  I was going to dry my hair off a bit more before going to bed.  And I didn’t have my comb with me in the fresher.”  He glances towards the room Poe is sleeping in.  “I can sleep on the couch out here?  I don’t want to wake Poe up.”

“I don’t think that’ll be a problem,” Kes chuckles.  “As excited as he is about you being here, now he’s asleep it would take a Star Destroyer to wake him.”

_‘But what if there’s danger?  He’d never last on the street if he sleeps that deeply.’_   Hux decides that if that’s the case, he’ll just have to look out for Poe.  If he’s going to be an older brother, he’ll own the role.  It’s the least he can do for this generous family.

* * *

Hux has a moment of fear when the Damerons announced they would be returning to Yavin IV the next day.  For whatever reason, it had not truly registered that they were only on Arkanis as a vacation, visiting others they had known in the Alliance and exploring the planet.  Before he can even ask, they soothe his anxious thoughts in making it clear that none had ever considered that he would not be joining them.  Poe, in particular, is delighted by the thought of showing Hux their home.  He spends the entire hyperspace journey speaking about the colony on Yavin IV and the jungle nearby. 

When they land, Hux finds himself absently searching the sky for the Death Star his father had told him so much about.  He finds it amusing that a Rebellion family has taken in the son of an Imperial on the planet which had seen the destruction of the first Death Star.  It was a magnificent weapon, but he hopes the galaxy will never see its like again.  He’s far more interested in seeing the Massassi temple that the Alliance had operated from.

From the main spaceport on the colony, it’s a short speeder ride to his new home.  The Damerons’ ranch feels immediately welcoming, much like the family it belongs to.  The architecture is simple but warm, with plenty of large windows to allow the maximum of light into the interior.

“C’mon, Dearg!  I want to show you my room!  You can even have the top bunk!”  Poe grabs Hux’s hand to tug him along.  Before he can dash off, towing Hux behind, Kes puts a hand on his son’s shoulder. 

“That’s very generous of you, hijo,[1] but we have enough space for Dearg to have his own room.  Perhaps after spending so much time with very little, he’ll prefer to have a private space.”

Hux glances at Kes with gratitude lighting his pale jade eyes.   “Thank you.  I appreciate the thought.”

Poe makes a wounded noise of protest.  “But, Dearg!”

He has a feeling he knows why the boy is protesting.  “It’s nothing against you, Poe.”  Hux reaches out and tugs on a curl of his dark hair with a small smile.  “But I’m used to spending time on my own, and sometimes I can’t sleep.  I’m afraid I would be the one who’s difficult to live with.”

“I wouldn’t mind!”

“Poe…”

“But, Mami!”

“I know you’re excited, mi corazón,[2] but you need to accept Dearg’s wishes.  You’ll be spending plenty of time together while you’re awake, you don’t need to sleep in the same room too.”

“I’d still love to see your room,” Hux soothes Poe _.  ‘I’m only four years older, but it feels like a lifetime.  Was I ever this innocent?’_

With Poe tugging him along, he gets a whirlwind tour of the ranch.  It’s a sharp difference from the tastefully elegant and stiff furniture which decorated the house Hux grew up in.  The Commandant’s estate was a showpiece, everything calculated to impress the Imperials who were hosted there.  Even Hux’s room was carefully maintained to the standards of a future officer.  The only exception was the hideaway he’d found in his closet, part of a network of secret passages some previous owner had put in.

The ranch isn’t shabby, but it does look comfortably lived in.  There’s a blanket draped carelessly over the sofa, datapads stacked on the table beside.  An empty mug must have been left on the coffee table just before their trip to Arkanis.  There’s a scatter of Poe’s toys in the corner by the holoprojector.  The kitchen is laid out for a family to cook in rather than servants, and they clearly eat at the table in the same room.  No separate dining area here for the family to be waited on.  And Poe’s room obviously belongs to a child.  There are clothes and toys strewn aside from last minute packing.  He’s got a bunk bed – evidently the reason he decided he could share with Hux – which have sheets covered with ships.  More model ships hang from a ceiling decorated with glow-in-the-dark stars carefully arranged in constellations.

“I’m gonna be a pilot when I grow up!  Just like my Mami!” Poe proclaims proudly.  “She’s already taken me up in her A-Wing a few times.”

Hux makes agreeable noises, but he’s more interested in the shop they have on one corner of the property.  _‘I wonder if Shara and Kes will let me use it?  I had so many ideas for what to build, but I couldn’t risk stealing too much.’_   He’d also been eyeing the shield generator which surrounded the property, already thinking of how he could make it more efficient.

Millie finds them in Poe’s room, let out of her carrier once they arrived so she could make her own explorations.  Winding around Hux’s ankles, she makes little ‘prrt’ noises until he concedes and allows her to settle on his shoulders.

“Poe, Dearg, are you hungry?” Kes calls from the kitchen.

“Yes, Papi!”

“Yes, please.”  He’s not especially hungry, but Hux is loath to turn down food when offered.  His body is still adjusting to the oddity of a steady supply.

That night Hux is introduced to Ansarran food for the first time. _‘This meal should come with a warning label!’_ Hux groans inwardly while grasping for a glass of water, which barely does anything to quell the fire raging in his mouth.  He can feel the heat in his face, it must be as red as his hair from the unexpected spice.

Poe doubles over in hysterics at his expression, knocking himself off his chair with the force of his laughter.  “Owww,” he complains when he smacks his head off the floor.  Millie wanders over to sniff at the strange human who has chosen to join her.

The redhead’s mouth twists in vengeful amusement.  ‘ _Maybe you shouldn’t have been laughing at me,’_ he thinks teasingly, though long habit keeps the words to himself.

At last Shara takes pity on Hux.

“Have some bread, Dearg.  It helps take the sting out of the spice better than water will.”

Hux follows her advice and heaves a sigh of relief when the heat dies down to a tolerable level.  Still, his voice is hoarse when he speaks.  “Is any of this less spicy than the rest?” he asks, pointing to the unfamiliar dishes.  Kes helps him to select ‘milder’ food, but Hux still goes through a great deal of bread by the end of the meal.

In addition to Ansarran food, he’ll have to accustom himself to the Ansarran tongue as well.  The Damerons had been good about not speaking it around him on Arkanis, but the habit seems more difficult to break in their own space.  Hux has always had a facility for languages though, picking up Arkanian in spite of his father’s disapproval.  And Poe had already badgered him to learn various words in Arkanian in exchange.

After dinner, the family gathers around the holoprojector to watch the news, but Hux quickly finds himself yawning.  He hadn’t slept well on the trip, and being on a new planet is somewhat overwhelming.  With Millie curled up and purring in his ear, it’s all he can do not to fall asleep where he sits.

“Would you like to go to bed, Dearg?” Kes offers.

“Please.”

Kes leads him to a room off the back hallway which Poe had skipped in their tour.  It’s cozy, enough space for a double bed, desk, and wardrobe with a closet for additional storage.  The large window looks out onto jungle, with thick curtains to block out the light while the occupant is sleeping.  Kes or Shara had already moved his heavy canvas bag in, probably while Poe was showing him around.

“This’ll be your room.  I know it’s a little impersonal right now, we mostly use it as a guest room, but we’ll go to the bazaar soon so you can pick out some things for yourself.”

Hux looks up into the stocky man’s dark eyes.  _‘How do I thank him, thank them for everything?  They’ve been so kind…’_   He awkwardly holds out his hand.

Bemused, Kes grasps it for a stilted handshake.

“Thank you,” Hux whispers, darting into his new room and closing the door quickly in embarrassment.  He sinks down with his back against the door, burying his face in his hands and tugging at his long red hair.  _‘A handshake?  That’s all I can manage to thank him?’_   He groans at his own ineptitude, the past years on his own stifling what little social skill he had.

Millicent, sensitive to his distress as always, works her way through his arms into his lap.  Gratefully he folds himself around the little felinx, allowing her fur and warmth to soothe him as it has so often before.  At last he manages to drag himself into bed, and is asleep almost as soon as his head hits the pillow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [1] my son
> 
> [2] my heart


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some important moments with Hux and the Damerons. Vignettes as they begin living as family.

Hux struggles not to betray his anxiety as he looks up at the school building.  At least it doesn’t resemble the fortified compound of the Academy his father had established, but there’s something intimidating nevertheless.  Shara has brought him for placement testing; the Damerons intent on having him attend lessons with the rest of the colony’s younglings.  With his parents, Hux had private tutors.  Only the best for the Commandant’s son; to ensure that when he was old enough for the Academy, he would _be_ the best.  Since they had left him, his education had been haphazard at best.  He would devour the contents of any datapad or datachip which came his way, and managed to slice into the holonet a few times from poorly secured networks, downloading more information as he could.

_‘What if I don’t meet their standards?  I couldn’t stand being placed with those younger than me.  Or would they just refuse to teach me if that’s the case?’_

“Do you have any questions, Dearg?”

Shara’s voice drags him from where he’s begun to get lost in his own head.    It’s a habit he’s going to have to break, distancing himself from the usually hurtful voices around him, while still being aware of his surroundings.  “I don’t think so.  I just have to fill in what I can, right?”

She gives him a companionable smile, resting her hand gently on his shoulder while he tries not to flinch away.  “That’s right.  But don’t worry if you don’t know some answers.  Just do the best you can, and we’ll help you catch up.”

Before Hux can say anything in response, a Rodian opens the door and greets Shara warmly.

“Welcome, Lieutenant, it’s good to see you again.  And who is this with you?”

Hux studies the Rodian carefully, unfamiliar with the species beyond a text file on his datapad.  This one appears to be male, with the green scales and large round eyes common to his kind.  When Shara pushes him forward, he hesitantly shakes his hand, somewhat surprised to find his long fingers are smooth and soft rather than clammy.

“It’s good to see you too, Rathilo.  This is Dearg.  He’s lost his parents, and Poe took to him immediately, so he’ll be staying with us.”

Rathilo looks Hux up and down, triggering the familiar urge to make himself smaller.  “An Arkanian, I see.  Any relation to…?”

Shara cuts him off before he can finish the question.  “Dearg will be using my last name while attending the school.  I’m sure you can understand why.”

“Yes,” the Rodian nods, the action shaking the tendrils of his crest.  “We wouldn’t want the children making any unfortunate associations with the past.”

Relieved that Rathilo won’t hold his parentage against him, Hux manages a shaky smile for the tall male.

“Welcome to Yavin, Dearg.  If you’ll follow me, we’ll get you started on your placement testing.  I understand you haven’t had formal schooling for a number of years, but Shara has assured me you’re a bright young man.  You shouldn’t have any difficulty catching up.”

Blushing, Hux glances back to see Shara giving him an encouraging nod.

“I have a few things to do in town, but Rathilo will comm me once you’re finished.”

The administrator leads him not to a classroom, but a room that more closely resembles a lounge.  “This is where the teachers take their breaks.  Usually students aren’t allowed in here, but as I have work as well, this seemed like a good place to get you started.”

He’s handed a datapad, and as Rathilo doesn’t seem to mind where he sits, curls up in a corner of one of the sofas.  Hux can’t help staring with dismay at the opening page, which says ‘1 out of 2000 questions’.

“Feel free to ask questions if you need something clarified.  Some of them might seem insultingly simple, or far too difficult, but we use the same placement test for everyone to ensure fairness.  It will give us an accurate assessment as to where you are in most of the subjects we offer.”

Hux looks up at that, pale eyes sharp.  “Most, sir?”

“Please, call me Rathilo.  If you must be formal, Professor will do.  ‘Sir’ makes me feel like I’m back in the Alliance, and I hope those days are past.”

“You were in the Alliance?”  The urbane Rodian seems an odd Rebel, though Hux had heard his father’s thoughts on the Alliance policy of accepting anyone who offered their assistance.  He can’t help but think the policy must have had merit, since the Rebels were the victors in the end.

“Indeed, that is how I met the Lieutenant.  Shara, I suppose I should call her now.  As to your original question, we generally do not conduct assessments for the arts, or athletics.”

The redhead hums in agreement with the logic behind that.  He says nothing more, bending his attention to the datapad before him.  If he has 2000 questions to answer, he might as well begin.

At some point, Rathilo sets a cup of tea and some biscuits on the low table beside Hux, which he absently finishes while intent on his answers.  When at last the assessment is complete, he blinks heavily as he comes back to himself.  Looking on the chrono on the wall, it’s been four hours since he began, and he’s _hungry_.

“Si-Professor?” Hux turns to find Rathilo regarding him steadily.  “I’m finished.”

“Good job, Dearg.  My datapad alerted me when you were down to the last 25 questions, so I’ve already commed Shara.  Would you like a drink while you’re waiting?”

“Yes, please.”

The Rodian fetches them both a second cup of tea, this time settling on the sofa across from the one Hux had chosen.  “I have yet to look over your assessment, but you’ve already been able to answer more questions than I had expected.  I’m impressed.”

“Thank you, Professor.  So what happens now?”

“The computer will do most of the marking, but I’ll also be looking over your answers myself, tomorrow.  You and Shara will return the day after, and the three of us will sit down and discuss your class placement as well as any measures to get you caught up.”

____________________

Two days later and Hux is in the teachers’ lounge once again, Shara settling on the sofa beside him as Rathilo fetches tea before sitting down himself.  He and Shara spend some time speaking of mutual acquaintances while Hux studies the room in more detail.  He keeps coming back to the way Rathilo speaks however, the snout changing the way his face moves in a way that fascinates Hux.

_‘Does his species also use their antennae for communication?  I can’t remember,’_ he wonders before flushing deeply as he realizes Shara and Rathilo are looking at him.

“I’m sorry, sir.  I didn’t mean to stare.”  Hux ducks his head, ashamed.

“It’s alright, Dearg.”  Hux can’t be sure, but he thinks the Rodian is smiling.  “I can see it’s curiosity that motivates you.  There are many more strange and wonderful things in the galaxy than I; your inquisitive nature will only be a benefit to your learning.”

Shara snorts.  “He’s that, alright.” 

Hux’s blush returns.  As he’s become more familiar with the Damerons, it’s been harder and harder to restrain his impulse to investigate.  Shara and Kes have more than once found him tucked into some odd corner, looking at how something fits together.  (Or comes apart, but he’s made sure that by the time they see him, everything is back in order.)  He’s not ready to risk their disappointment if they assume he’s just breaking things.

Rathilo chuckles lightly.  “I know you said he was a bright young man, but I was impressed by how much.”

_‘What?’_ Hux perks up, curious what the Rodian could mean by that.  ‘ _I thought I did decently on the test, but enough to impress him?’_

“What do you mean?” Shara sounds just as curious.

“If I hadn’t known better, I would have assumed that Dearg had been receiving advanced tutoring.  In most of the subjects, he scored well above the level someone his age would be expected to be at.  Particularly in engineering, maths, and astrophysics.”

“Really?” Hux blurts out, unable to restrain himself.  “So what classes am I going to be in?”

Shara turns to him, beaming.  “I knew you would do well, Dearg.”

“Well,” Rathilo pauses for a moment.  “We _could_ put you at an even more advanced year level for those subjects, but I think overall, you might benefit from being able to remain with the same classmates.  Ordinarily, a student of your age would be enrolled in year 5.  The decision remains with you and your guardians, but I would suggest placing you in year 7.  You’ll be able to graduate with peers only a few years your senior; and 15 is not unusually young to be starting university.

“Year 7 is also the first year to offer choice in the curriculum, so you would be able to choose courses that appeal to you.  I would like to have you speak to a counselor to help you with that, because it will affect the courses of study available to you once you graduate.  Of course, if you find yourself becoming bored in any of your classes, extra-credit projects are always available.”

“That –,” Hux’s voice cracks with excitement.  Clearing his throat, he tries again.  “That sounds good.”  Turning to Shara, he looks for her approval.

She grips his shoulder firmly, shaking it in approval.  “It’s up to you, Dearg.  But Rathilo’s suggestion is sound.”  She turns to the Rodian.  “Do you have a list of available courses?  It might help if Dearg can look them over before meeting with the counselor.”

“Of course, I should have thought of that myself.”

When the Rodian stands to fetch the list, it occurs to Hux to ask, “what subjects did I not do as well in?”  His father’s voice in his head saying _‘you must always strive to better yourself.  That is the mark of a true leader, a loyal servant of the Empire.’_

“Literature, for one.  And your answers on the historical section of the assessment were…interesting, though not technically incorrect.  You could also use more grounding in geography and the Republic’s system of governance.”

Hux isn’t entirely surprised by the areas he needs to work on.  “Do you have a reading list?  I understand the school is going to be on break for another month, I would like the chance to catch up.”  _‘Though not about the Republic.  I know enough of what they’re_ truly _like, no matter their claims of fairness.’_

Rathilo turns back, wide eyes made even wider in surprise.  “That’s quite the work ethic you have.  I’m impressed.  It’s rare I have a student so willing to study more over the break.”

The redhead’s mouth twists wryly.  “I guess the Imperials were good for something after all.”

His comment prompts an awkward silence that has Hux wincing.  _‘I really need to get used to talking again.’_   He remains quiet for the rest of the meeting rather than make another misstep.

Still, leaving the school that day, Hux walks with a more confident stride.  Evidently reading everything he can get his hands on has been helpful.  He’s actually looking forward to the chance to attend school now, and the challenge of learning.  And with a month left, hopefully he’ll be able to get used to being around people again.

* * *

Hux feels a shiver of anxiety crawl up his spine when he hears an odd note in Kes’ voice.  _‘What does he want?  …am I in trouble?’_

“Dearg, can you come here for a moment?”

He follows Kes’ voice to a tucked away corner of the upper level, a favourite place of his to curl up and read when being around the Damerons got to be too much.  He arrives to find Kes crouched down, holding…

_‘Pfassk.  Pfassk, kriffing hell…’_   The man had found one of his hidden caches for food.  _‘How?’_ is his first thought before he takes note of the cleaning implements at his feet.  The Damerons don’t possess a cleaning droid, preferring to do the work themselves.

His first impulse is to deny the food is his, but the fact that Kes had called for him makes it unlikely he would believe it.  The second is to bolt, if only he could.  Hux had actually unpacked the bag he had kept for months in case he needed to run.  _‘I was just beginning to think I was safe here.  What’s he going to do now he knows I’ve been stealing from them?’_  

In the end Hux straightens and tilts his chin up defiantly.  “You called for me, Kes?”

The older man startles.  Evidently Hux still moves silently enough that Kes hadn’t noticed his presence yet.  It’s Hux’s turn to be surprised when Kes turns to face him with eyes shining with tears.  _‘Is he that upset that I stole?’_

“Why is this here?”

“Because…I took it and hid it here?” Hux replies, puzzled by the question.

“But why did you feel the need to hide food?”

Hux shrugs.  “It’s important to keep some stashed away, just in case.”  He hesitates, but it’s better to get his answer now, rather than stew in anticipation.  “Aren’t – aren’t you mad I stole from you?”

If anything, Kes gets more choked up by that question.  “Dearg – no!  What’s ours is yours; you’re free to take whatever you need from the kitchen at any time!  I’m just sad that you still feel the need to keep food hidden.  Are you worried that we would stop feeding you?”

“No,” is his immediate answer, and to his surprise, it’s true.  He doesn’t truly believe the Damerons would be capable of something like that.  “Not really.”  He shrugs again, helplessly.  “It’s just a habit, I guess.  If you didn’t keep something aside for lean times, you could wind up starving.”

Kes can’t keep himself contained any longer.  Hux freezes as the broad man lurches forward, but finds himself pulled into a firm hug.  It’s no less uncomfortable than he was expecting, but at least less painful.

“You’re part of this family now, Dearg.  If Shara and I have anything to say about it, you’ll never go hungry again.”

“Thank you.”  Fierce gratitude wells up in Hux once more for this strange family who somehow cared enough to take him in.  Still unsure how to express it, he pats Kes awkwardly one the back with one hand as he feels tears dampen his shoulder.

* * *

Though it’s never explicitly mentioned again, Hux is fairly certain the incident with the food cache is what prompts the Damerons to offer to legally adopt him.  Shara and Kes had both eyed him in the days following, offering food at random until Hux had to reassure them that no, he really doesn’t need that much to eat.  And yes, he would grab something for himself if he _does_ get hungry.  Poe had joined in as well, not truly comprehending the reason but happy to do something for his ‘brother’.

Poe’s shout of “you mean he can be my brother for _real_?” is actually his first idea that the Damerons are considering making his status with them legal.  Drifting closer to where Kes and Shara had taken Poe aside, he hears Shara’s amused sigh.

“Yes, mi corazón.[1]  We had been planning to make sure it was possible before we brought it up with him, but,” here she raises her voice, “you might as well come in, Dearg.  I’m sure you heard that.”

He stoops to grab Millie, winding between his legs, before emerging in to the living room.  “I did.”  He grins at Poe, “this one here isn’t too good with volume control.”  The quick grin fades.

“Did-did you really mean it?  You want me to be part of your family?”

Kes grins, his bright smile flashing through his thick beard.  “We mean it, Dearg, but this has to be your choice.  We may not think much of the Commandant; however, he was your father.  We aren’t seeking to replace your old family.”

Shara continues, “we’ve come to care for you as if you’re our son.  All the adoption would be is making formal recognition of that.”  Her full mouth twists.  “As it is, our taking you in is a rather…irregular situation.  I’ll be consulting with some friends of mine off the record to make sure the adoption can’t be challenged.  And if attempting to adopt will put you in a bad position with the authorities, you can continue living with us as you have been.  The same goes for if you choose not to proceed with this.”

“Take a day or two to think it over, Dearg,” Kes adds gently.  “It’s a big decision, and it will give Shara and I a chance to make sure it’s even possible.”

“I – thanks.  Do you mind if I take some time to myself?  It’s just a lot…”

“Of course,” Shara smiles warmly at him.

As he leaves the room, he can hear Kes grab a hold of Poe.

“You can see him later.  Dearg just needs some time right now.”

____________________

Hux tucks Millicent into the crook of his neck as he heads out of the house, searching for a place of quiet.  He winds up curling himself into the roots of one of the towering Massassi trees, not so deep in as to risk running afoul of a Leviathan grub, but past the faint hum of the ranch’s shield.  At first his mind remains carefully blank, listening to the rustle of the leaves, whisper bird calls, and the purr of his felinx companion.  The muggy heat of a Yavin afternoon soon gets to him, and he ties his shoulder-length red hair back in a low tail with the elastic he’s taken to carrying.

“What should I do, Millie?”

The little felinx chirps in response to her name, butting him under the chin, but has no advice to offer.

_‘I never thought they’d offer to adopt me.  Should I say yes?’_   Part of his struggle comes from the feeling he’d be betraying his parents, it’s true.  But that’s not the sole consideration.  The thing is: Hux had grown past the need for constant supervision when he had no one to rely on but himself, and even before then, his parents had encouraged his maturity and independence.  

The Damerons already take their role as his guardians seriously, and it comes with limits he’s no longer accustomed to.  Sometimes the fact that they worry warms him, but it can also grate on every last nerve.  Would that become worse if he was legally their child?  After more than three years, he’s really not used to answering to anyone but himself.

The stillness of the forest helps soothe some of the debate raging in his head.  Most of Hux _wants_ to take the Damerons up on their offer, but street-honed instincts insist that something so good must be a trap.  He must spend hours staring up at the sky, calm, but still with no firm conclusion, when a small weight crawls into his lap.

Poe leans heavily into the larger boy, wrapping his arms around Hux’s waist.  “Mami and Papi explained more about how you might still miss your old family, and that’s why you can’t be part of ours.  But you never had a brother before, right?  So you’re _my_ brother, no matter what.”

Hux smiles, the first one in a long while which lights in more than his pale eyes.  “Thank you, little brother.” 

_‘This kind of acceptance is a gift I can’t overlook,’_ Hux thinks, as resolution steals over him.  “I would be honoured to be part of your family.”

His next breath comes out in a strangled squeak when Poe’s arms tighten around his thin waist.  “Woo!  I love you, hermano mayor.”[2]

Cringing a little from the hug, Hux nevertheless returns it.  Poe’s innocence and enthusiasm make it hard to find him threatening, and even more difficult not to return his affection.  Millicent soon crawls down to join Poe in his lap, purring like a misaligned ion drive.

When he tells Kes and Shara that night that he wants them to look into the possibility, he’s trapped in yet another hug.  At least this time, Shara notices him stiffen and pulls Kes away after only a short time.  They’re less pleased when Hux mentions that it’s conditional on sitting down and talking about how much independence he’s allowed.

“But you’re just a child,” Kes protests.

Hux snorts.  “You can’t afford to be a child on the street.”  He sighs heavily.  “Look, I truly appreciate everything you’ve done for me, and that you want to protect me.  It means a lot.  But I’ve spent more than three years looking out for myself, and being forced back into the role of a child…it doesn’t fit me anymore.”

“I understand.  You’re not saying that you don’t want us acting as your guardians, but you want to have input on the boundaries we set for you?”

Once again, it’s Shara who understands him.  Hux almost wants to ask if she spent time in a similar situation, but if she had, it would only bring up memories best forgotten.

“Exactly.  You know how things work around here much better than I do.  But after being independent, I can’t just accept ‘because we’re the adults’ as a reason for rules.  If you want me not to do something, I would appreciate an explanation why.  And opportunity to negotiate.”

____________________

In the end, it’s Kes who pulls a few strings with those he knows from the Pathfinders to get the adoption pushed through.  It’s not the most precisely legal, but he’s not the only orphan from around the end of the Empire.

“It’s like the Imperials went a little mad once the Emperor died,” the grizzled Keshian Justice explains to Hux.  “Some of them ran without returning for their families, some took their own lives, and a few killed at random, leaving children alone.  We’re supposed to have the consent of the legal guardian for an adoption, but that system broke down.  Those of us who’d rather have children with caring families rather than on the streets or in an orphanage have made a habit of ignoring slight…irregularities in the adoption process.

“So congratulations kid, you’re now officially Dearg Bey.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [1] my heart
> 
> [2] big brother


	4. Chapter 4

Poe happily bounds up the ladder into the pilot’s seat of Shara’s A-wing, his mother watching with fond attention as he points out the controls she’s shown him.  Hux has half an ear listening to his happy chatter as Shara makes him explain the importance of each cockpit instrument, but most of his own attention is drawn to the open engine compartment.  She’d shown it to Poe from the perspective of a pilot: how much power it could produce, the speed and turning radius of the starfighter.  Hux is looking at the intricate machinery as an engineer.

He’s only been formally studying engineering and mechanics for a few months, but Neva is encouraging his natural aptitude for the subject.

_“Since the school here was established, I have been waiting to find a student who loves it like I do,” the lilac-skinned Twi’lek female grins at him the first time they meet.  “We’re going to have a lot of fun, you and I.”_   In his time at the school, she’s brought in the blueprints for a number of droids, starfighters, and other useful machinery to pick apart with him.  He’s also been allowed to help with a few small repair projects around the school: malfunctioning holoprojectors and such.  Everything he learns only whets his appetite for more.

Fascinated eyes trace the path of each of the many colourful wires, trying to surmise their purpose from what he’s learned.  A moment of inspiration strikes, and he pulls out the datapad he almost always carries.  Neva had shown him where on the holonet to search for the schematics for starfighters – the older models at least.  And Shara’s is old indeed, dating back to the Clone Wars and salvaged by the Rebellion when the Empire moved on to newer models.

Deftly, Hux pulls up the correct plans.  As he compares them with the craft in front of him, he takes notes on what was in need of repair or replacement.  It’s incredibly well-maintained for a ship of its age, but he can already see things that had gone unchanged because they were still functional, if not perfectly.

_‘What if I could restore it?’_   It will take some serious work, but doing something for Shara is worth it.  He cares for both the Damerons deeply, but Shara is the one who seems to understand him better.  Kes can be too cautious and emotional at times, almost smothering.  Shara allows him his space, understands that growing up as he has left him reluctant to touch.  She’d even given him her name.  _‘But how would I get the parts?  And how do I get it done without letting her know?’_

By the time Hux pulls himself out of his deep study of the A-wing, Shara and Poe are nowhere to be seen.  He’s further startled by the angle of the sun.  They had come out shortly after the midday meal, but from the quality of the light, it’s shading on to evening.

“Dearg!  Time for dinner!” Kes’ voice rings out loud across the grounds of the ranch.

With a rueful smile, Hux jogs to the door after shutting down the datapad for the time being.  Some of the parts he needs can be found in the tool shed, he’ll have to ask Neva if she knows anyone who’d be willing to trade work for the rest.

____________________

“Professor Neva,” Hux ventures once they’re the last in the classroom, “I have a project I’d like you to advise me on, if you’d be willing.”

She raises her head from the conservator she’s been stripping down, a smear of grease across one lilac cheek.  “Dearg, how many times do I have to tell you that there’s no need for such formality?”

Hux grins.  “This is a pretty big request, I thought it best to be polite.”

“This must be good then.”  It’s her turn to smile, seating herself on her desk and tugging the coveralls she wears into a more comfortable position.  “What project do you have in mind?”

“Well, Shara was showing Poe and I her A-wing again, and I remembered how to find the schematics that you’d showed me.  I started to compare them, and there’s a lot of the ship that could use maintenance or replacement.  She’s been so generous to me; I was hoping I could restore it for her.”

Neva purses her lips and puffs out her cheeks, making a low, impressed noise.  “You don’t think small, do you?”

He chuckles awkwardly, scrubbing a hand through his long hair, forgetting that he’d tied it back for engineering.  The next few moments are spent righting it as cover while he considers what to say.  “It’s what I’m good at?  I’ve been trying to think of some way to show my appreciation, but I’m too used to guarding myself.  At least this way, I can’t say the wrong thing.”

She reaches out with one long-fingered hand, ruffling his hair and probably smearing grease in it.  “You’re a good kid, Dearg.”

“I just fixed that!” Hux gripes in mock-irritation, warmed by her casual affection.  It gives him the push to ask, “so…will you help?”

“Of course I will!  What kind of teacher would I be if I didn’t encourage you?” she holds a hand to her chest dramatically.  “What do you need from me?”

“I want to keep this a secret from Shara until it’s finished, so I’ll probably need to do most of the work myself.  I’m sure I’ll need to ask your advice plenty, though what I really need is a way to get the parts.  Kes’ workshop has a lot of the wiring, but bigger things…  Do you know anyone who’d be willing to trade work for parts?”

“Hmm,” the Twi’lek goes back to disassembling the conservator, she always claims machinery helps her think, “I’ll have to talk to the dealers I know.  The thing is, in the Republic, we usually don’t let beings younger than their equivalent of sixteen work.  Child labour laws and all that.  But if you’re trading labour for parts, then it’s easier not to report.  Especially since it’ll only be short-term.  Get me a list of the parts you need, and I should have answers for you in the next standard week.”

Hux hops off the desk he’s been perched on, grabbing a spanner and setting to work.  “Thank you, Neva.  I owe you for this.”

Baring her slightly pointed teeth in a grin, she retorts, “didn’t I tell you it’s doing the job?  I wish more of my students came to me with ideas like yours.”

____________________

After hours of painstaking work, Hux carefully solders the last wires into place and steps back, swiping his hand though his sweat-damp hair.  “I think that’s everything,” he says to the lilac-skinned Twi’lek watching him with a pleased smile on her face.

He’s invited Neva there not just to show his accomplishment to his favourite teacher, but also to have her double-check his work.  The last thing Hux wanted was to endanger Shara by being overconfident in his own skills.  And really, after all Neva had done to help him, it was only right she be present when he shows Shara his thank you.

The teacher sets to her inspection immediately, lekku twitching as she mutters to herself in her native tongue.  He’s picked up enough from watching her to know that so far she’s pleased, but deciphering minute twitches of her lekku can’t hold his exhausted attention today.  Instead, he winds up drifting as he recalls the months of work that had gone into restoring the small starfighter.

Courtesy of Neva, Hux had been introduced to a number of junk dealers.  He’d been startled by just how accommodating the grizzled merchants were, particularly once Shara was mentioned.  In his experience from Arkanis, those he had dealt with were grudging in giving him fair value for the repaired pieces he sold to them.  _‘Was it all because I’m not a Hux here?  Or have Kes and Shara gained that much respect?’_ He’ll probably never really know, and he’s not about to ask anyone.

In the end, many of the parts he needed were offered free of charge, because they ‘just happened to be lying around,’ and ‘I don’t know who’ll actually want to buy such an old part, oh, and say “hi” to Shara for me’.  Those dealers who would _allow_ him to work, he knows they still knocked a fair amount off the prices compared to what they _should_ have been.

Hux is actually sorry that more wouldn’t take his offer of work.  He’d enjoyed stripping down the junk machines that had come in, the process of determining what could be fixed, what would go for parts, and what should be scrapped.  It was his saving grace on Arkanis, the ability to restore broken things to working order, and gave him hope for survival.  Now that it wasn’t a necessity, he still took pleasure in repairs.  His long, clever fingers were skilled at fine work, and his mind enjoyed the challenge.  In quiet moments, he wondered what his father would think of him.  He had intended to raise Hux as a soldier, ultimately an agent of destruction.  How would this talent for mending have been received?

Pulling himself from his thoughts, Hux gazes proudly at the restored A-wing.  It doesn’t look like much, with the outer casing removed in many places to show the inner workings.  Even re-assembled, no one will ever know just from the appearance that it’s like new.  That’s almost what he likes the best; its improved performance will come as a surprise.  If Shara ever has to pilot in battle again, that could be what saves her.  (Nevermind that the thought of her fighting, much less her death, fills Hux with an instinctual panic for the safety of the family that _chose_ him.)

“So, did I do a good job, Neva?”

The Twi’lek female startles up from her inspection, narrowly avoiding hitting her head off the underside of the port sublight engine.  She bounces over to him, animated in the way she only gets around engineering, lifting him off the ground and twirling in an embrace as he squirms.  “Dearg, she’s beautiful!  You did a fantastic job restoring her; I can’t wait to see her fly.”

Hux heaves a sigh of relief that nothing had gone wrong, moreso when Neva sets him back on his feet. At least he’s stopped reaching for a knife whenever someone hugs him.

“Thank you for coming to check it over.  Would you mind helping me get all the panels back in place?  Shara will be home soon.”

They cut it close, but the last panel is in place before Shara gets back from her patrol with the Civilian Defense Force.  It’s especially fortunate, since the ranch is laid out in a way that brings her past the starfighter on her way to the front door.

“Oh, hello, Neva,” Shara greets his teacher pleasantly.  “I wasn’t expecting you today, are you helping Dearg with a project?”

“You could say that,” Neva grins slyly.  She nudges Hux with a pointy elbow when he’s suddenly too overtaken with nerves to speak.  “Well, go on.”

He steps forward, fixing his long red hair in a now familiar nervous gesture.  “I – uhhh – a few months ago, you were showing Poe and I your starfighter?  I noticed there were a lot of parts not in the best condition, so I fixed it?”

“You…?”  Shara’s full mouth twists in confusion as she puzzles through his hesitant explanation.  Since it mostly came out as a question, it takes some time, and Hux’s gut churns as he watches her expression.  “You fixed my ship?”

“I know it doesn’t look like much,” he hastens to explain, “but I was able to replace a lot of the parts.  And no one will be expecting an old model like this to fly like new.”

Shara runs her hand along the bow of the fighter in wonder.  “How…?  Dearg, this must have taken you hours!  How did you even afford the parts?”

“Neva helped advise me, and she was able to point me at helpful junk dealers.  Most of them wouldn’t even accept payment when they heard it was for you.”

“He did a great job.  And the dealers he _did_ do work for all told me they’d hire him once he’s legal,” Neva adds.

Hux spins in shock.  “They did?”

Neva laughs.  “They didn’t tell you themselves, because they all thought you’d ask them to hire you anyways.”

Shara’s hand on his shoulder has him turning to face her again.  “Dearg…I don’t know what to say.  You didn’t have to do this.”

Ducking his head so he doesn’t have to meet her warm, dark eyes, he tugs on the tail of his hair and says quietly, “I’m not good at saying it, but I wanted to find some way to thank you for taking me in.  You’ve been so generous…I just wanted to find some way to help.”

“Dearg…” her cool hand on his chin forces him to meet her eyes, “I can admit now that we brought you home out of pity at first, and because you were so good with Poe.  But, Dearg, when we got to know you – we _love you_ , kid.  I’m proud that you took my name, and you didn’t have to do anything but be yourself.”

For the first time, it’s Hux who initiates the embrace, clutching on to Shara as if she’s going to vanish.  And if she feels her shoulder becoming damp, she’s kind enough not to say anything of it.

* * *

Something about the solemn knock on the door has the hair on the nape of Hux’s neck standing on end.  He opens it to find Shara’s commanding officer standing on the front step, a powerful woman with skin so dark a blue-black that it always made Hux think of the night sky.  When he’d met Zakiya at events for the volunteer defense force, she was almost always smiling.  Today, there’s no sign of her bright flash of a grin.

“Hello, Dearg.  Are your father and brother home?”

Now Hux is certain that something has gone wrong.  “Yes, I’ll go find them.  Would you like to come in and have a seat?”

Zakiya nods, carefully taking off her shoes before making her way to one of the leather chairs that flank the sofa.  As Hux goes in search of Kes and Poe, he sees Millicent hop onto her lap to investigate the new person in her domain.  Hopefully the Commander won’t mind orange fur on her tidy navy uniform.

Hux finds the rest of his family in the back of the ranch, kicking a ball back and forth.  Poe is just celebrating sneaking past his father to score a ‘goal’ when Kes sees Hux.  He’s not certain what his face looks like, but whatever it is, it’s enough to kill Kes’ smile.

“Commander Zakiya is here, she was asking to see us all.”

Kes scoops Poe up on his hip, though at eight, the boy is getting rather large for it.  “Did she say why?”

Wordless, Hux only shakes his head.  There’s a pit of dread in his stomach, but he has nothing to confirm his worst suspicions.  _‘I doubt they’d send Shara’s commanding officer for anything minor.’_

The heavy mood hasn’t yet been noticed by Poe.  “Maybe she has a surprise for Mami.”

“Maybe, hijo,”[1] Kes’ voice is choked.  At last Poe gives his father a strange look, but is perceptive enough to remain silent.

Back inside, Zakiya has let the long ropes of her hair down from their usual tie in order to tease Millie with them.  She straightens when she sees them and pulls her hair away, her face sobering.  One graceful hand gestures them all on to the sofa. 

Kes takes a seat, holding Poe on his lap, but Hux remains standing.  He’s too tense to sit, wrapping his arms tightly around himself as if to contain the dread he feels.

“So what brings you here today?” Kes tries to ask brightly.

“I’m afraid I have sorrowful news,” Zakiya says.  “There’s no easy way to say this, so I’ll just go ahead.  Shara was killed today in a training accident.”  The commander pauses, but no one else breaks the shocked silence.  “She had taken one of our new recruits up in a starfighter modified for the purpose.  From what we can tell, there was a short in some of the wiring.  The trainee panicked and accidentally shunted the spark along rather than turning off the affected area, which ignited the oxygen tanks.  There was not enough time for either of them to eject.”

Kes chokes, burying his face in Poe’s shoulder to hide the tears Hux is sure must be on his face.  Right now, the boy just looks confused.

“Papi?  Is Mami hurt?” Poe asks, trying to figure out what to make of the news.  Has the boy never known anyone who was killed before?  “Is she in the medcentre, when can we go see her?”

Poe’s plaintive question filters past Hux’s numb shock.  He can’t be here anymore, can’t take the news of Shara’s death calmly, can’t let anyone see him break.  He bolts from the room, long legs carrying him away not quite swiftly enough to avoid Kes’ response.

“No, mi corazón.  Mami falleció. Nunca más la podremos ver otra vez.”[2]

Slowing only to open the door, Hux continues at full speed along the edge of the jungle, skirting other ranches and jumping roots as he goes.  He’s lost all sense of time and distance in his grief.  It’s not until he misses a leap and is sent sprawling that he even notices his body is close to collapse.  Like a wounded animal, he drags himself into the cradle of a towering Massassi tree, curls up, and sobs.  His limbs cramping from his headlong rush, he remains there for hours until Zakiya locates him at last.

“Dearg?  Dearg!”

His tearstained face tilts up when he hears her rich voice calling for him.  “I’m here!”  Hux scarcely recognizes his own speech, throat raw from crying.

With her help, he limps to the speeder.  The trip back to the ranch passes in compassionate silence, the commander understanding his reluctance to speak.  She doesn’t enter the home again, choosing to allow the family space to grieve in private, but she does have a few words for Hux before she departs.

“I already said this to Kes and Poe, but if you ever have need of my aid, you only have to ask.  Shara was one of our best, I wish today’s tragedy had not happened.”

“Myself as well, Commander,” he rasps.

“And Dearg?  Never forget how proud she was to have you as a son.”

It’s fortunate that she leaves at that moment; Hux wouldn’t want her to see the renewed tears her words have started.  Quietly as he can, he limps into the house.  He’s not in a state of mind where he can deal with either Kes or Poe.

Millicent, curled on his bed, perks up when he steps into the room.  She headbutts him once he’s collapsed onto the mattress, chirping once before settling in to purr.  The little felinx soothes something in him, and he tucks himself around her as he strokes her soft fur.

“Why does this hurt so much, Millie?  It wasn’t this bad even when I realized my parents had left me behind for good.”

Perhaps that’s the difference though.  Though he had been abandoned, it took quite some time for that to sink in.  Time which had blunted the impact.  At least then he had the solace that his family was still alive.  Exhausted and heartsick, Hux closes his eyes in the hope that sleep would wash away some of his pain.

Hours later, the bed linens wrapped around him from his tossing and turning, Hux finally concedes that sleep is out of his grasp for the time being.  His mind seems incapable of shutting down, and his stomach has begun to remind him that the midday meal was quite a long time ago.  Millicent complains when he wakes her yet again, but is content enough to allow him to drape her over his shoulders.  Maybe he’ll be able to sleep after he eats something.

Simple sandwich assembled, Hux turns on the light in the living room only to startle at the sight of Kes, head cradled in his hands.  Hesitantly, he ventures, “Kes…?” when the older man doesn’t react to his presence initially.

Kes’ head shoots up, bloodshot eyes and salt tracks making it clear he’s been there for quite some time.  “…Dearg…?”  He obviously hadn’t expected either of the boys to still be awake.

Hux panics.  _‘How can I offer comfort?’_   On stiff legs, he walks over to Kes and almost thrusts Millicent in his face.

“She’s really good when I’m sad because I like her purrs.  I hope she helps you,” all comes out in a rush before he spins quickly and ducks out of the room, retrieving his sandwich on the way.  From the sound that follows him, he’s not sure whether Kes is laughing or crying.  Probably Kes isn’t certain himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [1] my son
> 
> [2] No, my heart. Mami has died; we won’t be able to see her ever again.


	5. Chapter 5

Shara’s death changes everything; and nothing at the same time.  Life has to go on for those left behind. 

Hux finds that however much he hates breaking in front of others, however much he feels tears are a weakness, this forced normalcy is worse.  Kes is trying so _hard_ to pretend he isn’t falling apart but is failing miserably, and Hux still doesn’t know how to comfort him.  And the reality of their loss hasn’t truly registered with Poe.  The boy seems to have convinced himself that Shara is on assignment, though the moments when he allows himself to realize she isn’t coming back are devastating.  He breaks down into tears and curls into whoever’s closest, Kes or Hux.  It’s already happened once at school, and they had to pull Hux out of his class to hold him.

It was a good excuse to leave class.  He’s struggling to remember that not everyone knew Shara; that he can’t shout at them for not caring enough when he’s sitting there with grief like a black hole tearing at him.  Oh, they all gave their condolences to Hux and Poe when they heard, and some had even been at her memorial, but there’s an unspoken expectation for the public mourning to end after that.  Hux resents the idea there’s a set time to feel the loss of someone who’d done so much for him.  It’s a relief that Poe comes to him when he’s upset even though he’s terrible at comfort.  At least he’s able to do something for her son, even if it’s just to hold him as he cries.  From the way Poe clings to him, sometimes crawling into his bed at night, it’s enough.  And when his feelings get too overwhelming…well, there’s a reason athletics has become his favourite class.

The second time Poe breaks down at school, Rathilo calls them both into his office.  Hux feels his stomach plummet even as he picks Poe up to carry him.  It’s a struggle to force away thoughts of what the Commandant would do to cadets disrupting class in such an unseemly manner.  He’s in the New Republic; they’re decadent and soft on their younglings, right?

To his relief, he’s right.  Rathilo takes them to the teacher’s lounge and offers them both tea, allowing Poe to remain on Hux’s lap.  Instead of reprimanding Poe for his grief, he spends the afternoon telling them stories of Shara and the Rebellion.

As they’re leaving the school that day, Poe tugs on his sleeve and gestures for Hux to lean down so the once outgoing boy can whisper in his ear.  What he hears when he bends far enough is, “I’m going to be a pilot, just like Mami.  She was amazing, and I want to make her proud.”

“I know you will, deartháir óg.”[1]  _‘And I’m going to be your engineer, so what happened to your mother won’t happen to you,’_ Hux vows to himself.  If it wasn’t enough to fix Shara’s personal starfighter, then Hux is going to service every craft Poe ever flies.

Later that night, Hux is wandering through the jungle near the ranch as has become his habit, when he spots a familiar tree and gets new inspiration.  He’s excited for the first time since they lost Shara, and darts back to the house to get Poe.

“Where are we going, Dearg?” Poe asks plaintively when he stumbles yet again over a root in an attempt to keep up with Hux’s longer legs.

Chagrined, Hux turns back to his younger brother.  “It’s not too much farther.”  He crouches and beckons Poe over.  “Hop on, I’ll carry you.”

Though Poe is larger now than when Hux had first carried him, he’s still light enough for the wiry redhead to lift him easily.  A sliver of Poe’s old spirit shows when he playfully kicks his legs against Hux’s, calling out, “away, my noble steed!”

Relieved, Hux obliges, falling into the loping gait common to many quadrupeds.  Even with Poe’s added weight, it doesn’t take much longer to carry them both into the clearing.

“Ah, here we are.”  He allows Poe to slide from his back.

The younger boy looks around eagerly, though his expression fades into puzzlement.  Hux can tell he’s wondering what’s so special about this clearing in particular.  The redhead steps back and ruffles Poe’s head of black curls, sweeping a gesture at the tree he’d brought him here to see.

“…you brought me here to see a tree?”  Poe is looking at him now as if he’s cracked.

Hux chuckles.  “I’ve not gone mad.  I didn’t bring you here so much for the tree, as the possibilities with this particular tree.”

“Possibilities?”  The hint of excitement is back in Poe’s voice, always eager to spend more time with Hux.  “But what can we do with this tree?”

The Massassi tree in question hasn’t grown tall and straight like the others, branching out only when they reach the canopy far overhead.  The clearing they’re standing in must date back to when it was first growing, or some freak accident befell it.  A mere three metres up, the massive trunk splits into five branches which grow parallel to the ground for some distance before resuming their upward climb.  In other words, it’s the perfect tree to host a fort for the two boys.

“We’re going to build our own hideout here.  And if we’re sad, or angry, or anything like that, we can come out here and have a place where we don’t have to pretend that we aren’t.  And we’ll figure out how to make you the best pilot in the galaxy.”  He has to admit, the anger is mostly his, but he’s noticed Poe struggling to manage his emotions in front of Kes.  The space will be good for both of them.

Poe’s dark eyes shine when they look up at him with admiration, but there’s something else behind it.  “Mami would love something like this.  Papi told me not to stay in the jungle for too long though, he’s worried about the sintaril and Leviathan grubs.”

That gives Hux momentary pause.  He hasn’t considered the dangers of the forest when his inspiration struck.  A few moments of consideration give him a solution.  “Neva will help, I’m sure.  I can talk to her about what it would take to build a shield generator big enough to cover our fort.  That way, we don’t have to worry about anything getting in.”

“You’re so cool!  You build the best things, Dearg.”

The redhead’s flush almost matches his hair.  He should be used to Poe’s spontaneous declarations by now, but it never ceases to fluster him that someone thinks he’s _amazing_.  His memories of his father and mother (but not his real mother, he knows that, for all he never met her) are the memories of a child.  But he thinks that had he not been left behind, his memories would not be so positive.  Commandant Hux was turning bitter and hard towards the end.  He’d already overheard the odd vicious remark by his father about his slight build and preference for thought over action.  _‘Perhaps he saw the evacuation as a good excuse to get rid of me.’_   It’s hard to regret being adopted by the Damerons though, however much he would rather have never felt the pain of Shara’s loss.

“Thanks, Poe.  But you’re going to help me with it this time, right?”

“Of course!  When can we start?”  Poe is practically bouncing in his enthusiasm, drawing a weak chuckle from Hux.

“Well, we need to find materials first.  I’ll talk to Neva tomorrow about the shield generator, she might know where we can get other things as well.”

“Papi has a pile of lumber at the back of his tool shed, we can use that!”

“Sounds good.  We should head back to the ranch for now though; Kes will probably have dinner ready soon.”

Lifting Poe onto his back once more, Hux starts the walk back.  The younger boy chatters in his ear excitedly for the first part of it, but he falls silent perhaps half-way.  He’s unconcerned by this until he feels Poe tense.  Concern almost prompts him to speak, but he chooses to give Poe a little more time.

Hux’s patience is rewarded by a quiet murmur in his ear.  “Dearg?”

“Yes?”

Poe sniffles suddenly.  “Mami’s really gone, isn’t she.”

“Yeah, deartháir óg.  I’m afraid she is.”  Glancing around, Hux finds an appropriate nest of roots and pulls Poe into his lap.

“I –,” Poe sobs, “I knew Zakiya was telling the truth, but I didn’t want to believe it.  Why did she have to die?”

Cradling Poe to his chest protectively, Hux combs through his thick curls gently.  “I don’t know.  It was a stupid accident that could have happened to anyone.  But I wish it hadn’t been her.”

“You’re not going to leave us, are you?” Poe asks, but what Hux hears is _‘you aren’t going to leave_ me?’

“Never.  Not by choice at least.”  He knows better than most the vagaries of chance.

____________________

It’s not long after Hux turns fourteen that rumours of the First Order trying to expand past the original planets the Exiles had settled on in the Outer Rim start whispers on Yavin IV.  The Damerons aren’t the only Alliance members who had joined the colony, and they’re all less than enthusiastic about an Imperial resurgence.  Hux isn’t thrilled by the news himself, but he’s lived more of his life under New Republic rule than Imperial.  If they want to stomp around in the arse-end of the galaxy like toddlers after losing a game, it’s got nothing to do with him.

At least he thinks that until he gets cornered by a group of older students at recess one day.

“You’re from Arkanis originally, aren’t you, Dearg?”

He eyes the speaker warily, an older boy by the name of Corman.  He’s never had occasion to speak to Hux before, why is he asking where he’s from?  Still, it’s somewhat common knowledge where he had been living when the Damerons adopted him.  He certainly can’t claim to be blood-kin, not with the way he’s already as tall as Kes, and lanky, pale, and red-headed on top of it.  “I am,” he confirms.

The boy beside Corman is the next to speak, someone Hux knows vaguely from astrophysics, a near-human named Jakis.  “I have this thing for names, so I looked yours up.  Strangely, it doesn’t come up in any list of _names_ , but it seems to mean ‘red’ in Arkanian.”

_‘Pfassk.’_   Hux isn’t sure what they want, but street-honed instincts say it can’t be good.  Jade eyes dart around looking for escape routes; he’d rather not draw one of his knives in a playground tussle.

“Must be a nickname, for your hair colour,” the girl, also in astrophysics, adds.  “It’s not common, is it?  The only other Arkanian on record with red hair is rather famous though.  Looks a lot like you, _Hux,_ ” she spits the last name at him.

“What do you want?” Hux asks tonelessly.  It’s useless to try to deny his heritage.  If he tried, it would likely only solidify the idea in their minds, making it look like he has something to hide.

The burly Corman steps forward, shoving Hux back with one hand.  “Maybe we’d like to know what an Imperial coward like you is doing here, instead of hiding with your _daddy_ at the edge of the galaxy.  Heard Commandant Hux got himself a new Academy out there, brainwashing good little recruits to kill for the First Order.”

“Maybe that’s why you’re here?” Imagen cuts in, “you’ve been brainwashed to send information about the New Republic back to daddy?”

_‘How much useful information would I be able to send back from a_ school?’  He only narrowly avoids rolling his eyes at their assumptions.  “You might be right about my parentage.  But I haven’t seen my father since the fall of the Empire, when I was _six_.  I’m certainly not reporting back to him, or anyone else in the so called ‘First Order’. 

“What’re they supposed to be the First Order _of_ , anyways?” he adds musingly.  Fortunately, he’s not so distracted by wondering that he fails to notice the punch Corman swings at his head.

Hux dodges and bounces back a few steps, holding his hands up defensively.  “Why are you attacking me!”

“You just admitted you’re related to Brendol Hux!” Corman shouts back, red in the face.  He moves to stalk forward, but Poe jumps in front of him with his arms spread before he can take more than a step.

“Stop hurting my _brother!_ ”  The words dissolve the ice creeping over Hux with the surging memories of his abandonment.

“Get out of the way, kid.  He’s not your brother; his father is part of the First Order.  We’re just reminding him that he shouldn’t be living with _heroes_ of the Alliance.”

Corman hasn’t counted on Poe’s stubbornness, or the affection he had for Hux from the very first day they met.  “He _is_ my brother.  Mami and Papi adopted him and everything, so it doesn’t matter that he’s not blood.  And you shouldn’t talk about who’s a hero, cause you’re just a bully.”

Now Corman and his supporters are looking at Poe with sneers on their faces.  “You clearly don’t know much, kid.  Now get out of the way.”  One meaty hand sends Poe’s slight form staggering to the ground.

Before Hux can think about it, he’s already interposed himself between Poe and the three.  He’s not entirely sure what expression he wears, but suddenly they look to be taking him much more seriously.  “Leave – Poe – alone,” he snarls.  One hand moves towards the knife under his pants, but they aren’t quite there yet.  “I don’t give a Sith-spawned credit what you think or say about me.  I _am_ the son of Brendol Hux, but I love my adopted family dearly.  So you don’t get to lay another hand on my brother.”

Neva’s voice rings out through the yard before any of them can react.  “What is going on here?  Poe, Dearg, are you alright?”

With a teacher watching, Hux finally feels safe enough to turn to Poe, though he keeps one eye out.  “Deartháir óg, are you alright?”  He holds a hand out to the younger boy.

“I’m alright, Dearg,” Poe replies as Hux hauls him easily to his feet.  Twisting to take a look behind, he sighs, “Papi’s not going to be happy with the grass stains on these pants though.”

While he was quietly talking with his brother, the three who’d accosted him were trying to justify themselves to a stern Neva.  She still manages to hear Poe’s last comment however, turning to him with a smile.

“Don’t worry, Poe.  I know your Papi will be pleased to hear you stood up for your brother.”  Her expression is decidedly frosty when she turns to the other three.  “And you, I’ve had enough of your excuses!  I’m ashamed of all of you.  The New Republic is _supposed_ to be about tolerance.  Holding younglings accountable for the crimes of their parents is something the Empire would do, we should be better than that.

“And yes, Hux, mistakes were made in dealing with the remnants of the Empire and the Exiles,” she admits sadly, even as his jaw drops that she knows his true last name, “but most of us are trying to remedy our mistakes.  I’m proud to have a young man like you as my student.  You’ve taught me that tolerance is the correct path, for I would never have known your intelligence or generosity had the Damerons not adopted you.”

“Th-thank you,” Hux stammers as he feels his face flush a brilliant red.

“You did a good thing today, Poe.  I’m going to talk to Rathilo about getting a commendation in your school file.”

Poe beams at her, thrilled. 

Hux reaches out and pulls his brother into his side, ruffling his curls with one hand.  “Thank you, little brother.  It means a lot that you would stand up for me,” he says for only Poe’s ears.

The Twi’lek teacher turns back to the children who started the fight, catching them as they try to slink away.  “As for you three, you’re coming with me to Professor Rathilo’s office.  I think a few days in-school suspension would be appropriate for accusing a fellow student of being a traitor.  And we’ll be talking to your parents as well.”

Watching them go, heads bowed in shame, Hux isn’t entirely sure what to think.  _‘Neva really defended me?  Even knowing that my father is still loyal to Imperial ideals?  I guess some in the Republic_ do _hold to what they claim are their values.’_

He’s silent for a few moments, gathering his thoughts from the chaos they had been thrown into by the attack.  Hux rarely thinks about his father these days, though he does miss both his parents from time to time.  Doesn’t mean he agrees with what the First Order is trying to do though.  For all he thinks that the Republic is full of hypocrites, he doesn’t want a return to Empire.  On the streets, he’d seen enough of what war and Imperialism do to people.  Those who don’t fit the mold are cast aside.  _‘Like I was.’_

Poe’s shaking against him draws Hux abruptly back to the present.  As far as he knows, his brother has never been in a confrontation like that before; he must be experiencing an adrenaline crash.  Gently, he guides Poe over to a bench.  One arm rubs his back, the other holds his hand until Poe is steadier.  The bell rang to signal a return to class while he was lost in thought, but he has a feeling they’ll both be excused for the rest of the day with no complaint.

“Are you alright?” he asks quietly.

Poe nods, but buries his head in Hux’s shoulder as has become his habit.  “Why were they saying all those mean things about you?  And saying your name is Hux?”

“Well,” Hux sighs heavily, “your parents were part of the Rebellion.  But mine were loyal to the Empire; my father was the Commandant of the Academy on Arkanis, where I was born.  Dearg was just a nickname the other street kids had given me.”

“So why did you say that was your name when we met?”

“I actually can’t remember my first name, and everyone who knew I was a Hux hated me.  I didn’t want you to be the same way, so I gave you the first name I thought of.  But I like it now, I like being part of your family.”

“I love you too, even if you are a Hux.  You’re still my brother.”

Hux has to blink frantically at the prickle of tears in his eyes.  For the first time he can think of, he’s the one to hug Poe.  “That’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me.”

Poe curls into the hug, remaining silent for quite some time.  He’s the first to pull away, but only enough to speak clearly.  “I don’t understand why they bullied you because of your father.  You said you haven’t seen him since you were six.  They haven’t bothered you before, and you’ve been living with us for four years.  Why now?”

“It’s because they’re scared.”  He’d be more bothered, but he’s already dealt with years of fear because of his father.  “I bet they’ve overheard their parents talking about the First Order, and that it’s like the Empire.  They’re old enough to have some memories of what that was like.  They can’t fight people like my father, but they can use up some of that fear on me.”

“That’s stupid,” Poe states decisively, “they’re just being bullies like the Empire was.”

Poe’s indignation starts Hux laughing, setting free some of the tension that had settled in him at last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [1] little (younger) brother


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux has to deal with the fallout of his confrontation at school. And Hux and Ben Solo meet for the first time.

It takes some fast talking to convince Poe to keep the incident at school from Kes, but it doesn’t matter in the end.  He has a few days of peace without Kes fussing before word comes that there will be a trustee meeting regarding the incident, and the parents of those involved are expected to attend.  Evidently Jakis’ mother shares his opinion of Hux, because she’s protesting the in-school suspension and mark on her son’s record.  Not only that, but she wants Hux expelled because he’s the son of Empire loyalists.

_‘At least I’m not surprised I’m hated for my father, even here,’_ Hux thinks to himself, not without some regret _.  ‘It would have been nice to be wrong.’_

He and Poe walk in the door from school that day to find Kes visibly distraught.  His over-protectiveness after Shara’s death had finally been fading, Hux is concerned this incident will make it worse than ever.

“Oh, my boys,” Kes immediately pulls them both into a hug with his sturdy arms, “why didn’t you tell me what happened?”

With a little wiggling, Hux manages to extract himself from where Kes had pulled him down and mashed his face into his beard.  Fastidious as always, he smooths and re-ties his hair from where it has been pulled astray by the coarse strands.  “It really wasn’t worth bothering you with, Kes,” he excuses.  “It was a few words, and a few shoves.  Neva stopped it before it became serious.  Since she’d already handed down punishment, I thought it should be left to lie.”

“It must have been serious though, if they’re getting the trustees involved,” Kes protests.

Poe speaks up from where he’s still holding his father.  “It really wasn’t that bad, Papi.  Professor Neva was mostly mad at them because they were accusing Hux for no reason.”

It’s the first time Poe has actually called him by that name.  He’s relieved the revelation hasn’t caused his brother to look at him differently.

Kes looks confused.  “If the fight wasn’t serious, then why are they trying to get you expelled?  How is this accusation even being taken seriously if Neva saw the whole thing?”

“I saw this plenty on Arkanis, Kes.  It doesn’t matter what _I_ did, or didn’t do.  My _father_ , on the other hand…  But they can’t get to him, so they’ll take it out on me.”

“I _know_ these people!  They all at least _supported_ the Alliance, if they weren’t active themselves.  How could they judge you for the actions of a family who left you behind when they fled?”

It’s times like this when Hux feels _he’s_ the adult, and Kes a child puzzled that the galaxy isn’t always a fair one.  Or perhaps he’s just too cynical for his age.  He misses Shara, her pragmatic realism more a match for his outlook.  She would be upset, but not entirely surprised by this turn of events.  And though it’s not fair to Kes, who Hux knows loves him deeply; he feels Shara would have made a better defender.

Placing a hand on Kes’ shoulder, he feels an unbidden wave of compassion for this good man, who can’t understand why others would give in to fear.  “Not everyone is as generous as you, Da.  Who else would have given me a meal instead of a beating when they realized who I was?  It doesn’t bother me that a few people think poorly of me.  Honestly, I’m just surprised it’s taken this long for it to be a problem.”

His expression torn between joy and sadness, Kes rests his hand on Hux’s.  “I had hoped that when it wasn’t when we brought you home, it never would be.”

“Me too, but things are never that simple,” Hux agrees.  The joy Kes shows stumps him until he realizes he referred to Kes as ‘Da’, something he does rarely.  “I’m not going to worry about it, not until the trustee meeting at least.  I’ve got a big assignment due the day after tomorrow, so I really need to focus on that.”  It’s in biology, one of his worst subjects too.

Kes chuckles and claps him on the shoulder.  “Would that I’d been half as attentive to my schoolwork as you are.  I’ll worry for the both of us then.”

_‘You’d be doing that anyways,’_ Hux thinks, perhaps ungenerously.  On the way to his bedroom, he scoops up Millie, knowing that in spite of his façade of calm, he would need the comfort the small felinx always grants.

* * *

The meeting with the trustees begins on a sour note.  Jakis and his mother are the first to present their case.  Hux is forced to sit quietly and listen as the crimes his father have committed against the galaxy, both past and present, are listed one after the other after the other.  It’s enough to make Hux question whether he is _destined_ to do wrong, simply because how could the child of someone so terrible _not_ follow in his footsteps?

It’s not a feeling aided by two of the trustees who had been loosely allied with the Rebellion recounting what they had heard of the brutality and ruthlessness shown by those trained by the Commandant. 

_‘That’s it then.  My future is measured by the sins of my father.  Is this trustee meeting going to end with me in a jail cell?  Or will I simply be exiled?’_

When the third trustee stands, Hux braces for more of the same.  Before they can speak; good or bad, Kes strides to the front of the room.

“Mr. Dameron, it’s not yet time for you to speak,” the chairperson tries to forestall him.  But Kes isn’t having it.  He stares them all down before he begins.

“I can’t believe this,” Kes says, incredulous.  “How can you claim to be fair citizens of the Republic with what you’ve said here today?  I assured Dearg that today was going to be a formality, a chance to give Jakis and his mother Rebakha a fair hearing.  It seems that you’ve intended it to be pro forma in the other direction.

“Why would you bring a young man, bring _my son_ , here to listen to you recount the crimes of a man he hasn’t seen since he was six years old?  A man who _chose_ to leave him behind?  Shara and I chose to adopt Dearg knowing perfectly well who his father was.  We weren’t worried, because _he is not his father_.  I’m still not worried, because he’s lived with us for _four years_.  He’s a good boy, a good son, and it disgusts me that you would allow your fear of the First Order to push you into victimizing someone who has nothing to do with them.”  Kes’ tone remains even and fair, and is almost more effective for it.  He’s the disappointed father scolding a child who has overreached themselves.  Hux sees the trustees who have spoken cringing in on themselves as he eyes them.

“Now, do any of you have something _sensible_ to say?”  With that parting statement, he rejoins Hux in the seating.

Hux leans into Kes’ muscled bulk for reassurance.  “Thank you, Da,” he whispers.  “I hope this doesn’t come back to hurt you later.”

“If it does,” Kes’ replies quietly, “then I’ll know I shouldn’t have been dealing with those folks anyways.”

“Thank you, Mr. Dameron,” the trustee that he had interrupted says.  “As it happens, I agree with you about this farce, but you said it more eloquently than I ever could.  And I know most of the other trustees agree as well.  I know it may seem specious, but it was pure chance that those who disagree spoke first.”

The woman looks at the other trustees.  “I know ordinarily all should have a chance to speak, but I feel putting this young man and his family through any more of this would be unnecessary trauma.”

A row of nods down the line confirm their agreement.  The woman appointed as chair speaks next.  “I think we can confirm Professor Neva’s judgement of the situation.  The Republic will not stand for unsubstantiated accusations without a remote shred of proof.  Frankly, an in-school suspension is a mild punishment for a false accusation of treason.”  She eyes Rebakha.  “I hope you reconsider your support of your son based on nothing more than fear, and that we don’t hear of behaviour like this again.”

“Thank you for coming to this hearing, Mr. Bey, Mr. Dameron.  I apologize for the turn it took,” the first woman speaks again.

“Thank you for being reasonable,” Kes says almost smugly.  “You’ve reaffirmed my faith in the Republic.”

Hux snorts but remains silent.  _‘If I’d_ had _any faith in the Republic, this demonstration of hypocrisy would have made me lose it.’_   He merely nods to the trustees who’d supported him as they leave the room.  At least Poe had remained home, he’s glad his brother hadn’t been subjected to the litany of the Commandant’s crimes.

The speeder trip back to the ranch passes in silence until Kes pulls off into a lay-by carved into the jungle.

“Kes…?” Hux questions hesitantly.  “…have I done something wrong?”

“Oh Hux, son, no,” Kes instantly denies.  “I’m sorry I brushed away your concerns about the meeting, I didn’t want to believe that people in the Republic could be so carelessly judgemental.  You’ve done nothing wrong.

“But…” he hesitates and ice steals over Hux despite the jungle’s steamy warmth, “if even adults are so fearful based on your parentage - maybe it would be best to withdraw from school for a time?  You can study from home, and I’m sure Neva would come by from time to time to help with projects.”

Hux’s head whips around as he stares at Kes with hurt and disbelief.  “You’re going to pull me from school?  Because some idiots accused me of something that isn’t even true?  Or do you think they might be right?”

“Of course I don’t!  I’m just thinking of your safety, son.”

“My safety?” Hux scoffs.  “So much for the faith you have in the integrity of your precious Republic.  What, do you think someone’s going to come after me at school?”

Kes’ hesitation says it all.

The redhead feels an ugly expression take over his face.  “I’d like to see them _try_.”  One hand shows Kes the vibro-blade he has tucked in his sleeve.  “I spent four years on the street, Kes, with people a whole lot meaner than some scared citizens.  I can take care of myself.  It’d be self-defense, right?”

“Hux!  You’d really use that on someone?”

Hurt, Hux glances away, sliding the blade back.  “Only if I had to, Kes.  I thought you’d know that.  Or are you worried that like today’s hearing, the justices would jump to conclusions about me as well?”

Chuckling without humour, Hux hops off the speeder.  “I knew the Republic was full of hypocrites, but this is something else.  I’m not dropping out of school.  I have a little less than a year to go.  Plus, I might as well _admit_ that I’m guilty if I quit.  You know it’s true.”  He turns to walk off through the jungle when Kes calls out for him desperately.

“Dearg!  Please, come back!”

Without turning around, Hux calls back, “I’ll come back home tonight, I promise I’m not going to run off.  I’m just feeling too much right now, I need time to sort it all out before I say something I can’t take back.”

“But…!”

“ _Please_ , Da.”  The suppressed desperation in his voice makes Kes relent.

“Just - be safe, Dearg.”

____________________

Kes is sitting alone in the living room, head between his hands, when Hux pads quietly back into the house that night.

“Da?” Hux says quietly, not sure what his reaction will be after the redhead had been so cruelly dismissive earlier.

“Hux?” Kes’ head snaps up in shock.  “I - no, have a seat first.”

Gingerly, Hux folds his lanky form into a corner of the couch.  “I’m sorry for what I said earlier, Da.  I still don’t believe in your Republic, but I shouldn’t have taken it out on you.  Especially after you stood up for me like that.”

The older man sighs heavily.  “No, I should be apologizing to you.  I know you’ve never seen the good side of the Republic.  Neither the Republic nor the Empire has treated you fairly, have they?”

Speechless, Hux shakes his head, raking a hand through his long red hair.  “Maybe we could get some real change if the First Order weren’t lurking around, fracking things up.  Pulling attention away from needed reforms.”

“Heh, I think you’re right.  There are those of us who want to do the right thing though.”

“I know, Kes.  You, Shara, and Poe, you’ve been so good to me.  It’s more than I deserve.”

“No, no it’s not, Hux.  It’s _exactly_ what you deserve, and you’ve been just as good to us.  Stars, Shara was so thrilled when you restored her old A-Wing.”  Kes chokes on a sob.  “I’ve been trying my best, but since her death…  I know I’ve been too protective of you boys, but I just can’t stand to see you get hurt.  That’s why I wanted you to withdraw from school.”

Before Hux can speak, the older man holds up a hand to stop him.  “I know, you’re right that those who don’t trust you would see it as an admission of guilt.  And I know you can take care of yourself, plus you have teachers like Rathilo and Neva on your side.

“And I thought – as an apology for smothering you – would you like to learn to fire a blaster?  You’ve got good eyes and a steady hand; I think I could make a proper sharpshooter out of you.”

Cool jade eyes light up at the thought of learning something new.  “You mean it?”

“I mean it.”

“Then I’d love to!”

“We’ll start this weekend then.  My blasters are pretty dusty, so the first thing you’ll learn is how to disassemble and clean them.”

Hux quirks a wry smile.  “That’s sort of my specialty.”  He unfolds and heads to his room for the night, but pauses in the door to glance back.  “Thanks for believing in me, Da.”

* * *

Hux starts his aerospace engineering degree over the holonet the same autumn that Leia Organa arrives for a visit and brings her son with her.  Poe is the first to welcome the other boy, making an effort to include him in games and showing him the best places in the thick tangle of jungle nearby.  He even brings him to the fort he and Hux had built, an honour so far granted to no one else.  Despite Poe’s friendly overtures, it’s Hux that the shy Ben takes to immediately.

His first impression of the boy isn’t a flattering one.  Ben’s features seem assembled from a box of random parts: ears sticking out of a short haircut which doesn’t want to remain orderly, an overlarge nose, a mouth too full for the narrow chin.  Dark moles resemble spot welds meant to hold the assortment together.  Hopefully the boy will grow into his face, not even being the son of the General will save him from mockery.  Hux would know; he’s faced it himself for his uncommon hair colour and freckles.  Perhaps that’s part of the reason Ben prefers his company.

One night, as Hux is reviewing his upcoming assignments over the holonet, Ben wanders into the room and flops onto his bed.  It’s become a habit for the eight year old in the week they’ve been there.  Leia had scolded him for it at first, at least until Hux assured her he didn’t mind.  He quite likes the Senator and her son.  And he’s got plenty of experience as a big brother; at least Ben’s less insistent than Poe was at the same age.

He works diligently at the first assignment on his list, a circuit diagram for a pulse-ion engine, until Ben’s voice calls his attention away.  It’s unusual enough that the boy immediately has his full attention.  Most nights, he waits to speak until Hux hits a pause or takes a break, uncannily capable of telling when the redhead’s concentration is already wavering.

“Do – do you ever think of doing bad things?  Like hurting someone?”

Taken aback, Hux takes a moment to process that.  _‘Does he think that because of my father?’_   Certainly as the son of Leia and Han, Ben more than likely has heard of Commandant Hux.  “Ben…”

“I don’t think you would hurt people,” the boy hastens to assure him, “but aren’t you ever worried that you’re going to?”

That sends his thoughts spinning in an entirely different direction.  If it’s not Hux’s father…then is Ben thinking this about _himself?_

“Sometimes, when I’m angry I think about hurting the people who made me that way.”  Hux spins his chair to look at Ben more fully, rather than turning his head as he has been.  Something about the boy’s hunched posture makes him confess something that he’s only entrusted to Poe before.  One hand slips through the hole cut in his pocket.  A shining gleam of silver is enough to show Ben the knife he keeps strapped to his leg even still.

“Before Kes and Shara adopted me, I lived on the streets for a few years.  I got attacked a few times, and I hurt people defending myself.  I may even have killed one of them.”  (Hux feels a flash of dark satisfaction even now when he recalls leaving behind the bleeding form of the man who had attempted to… but he forces that memory away.)

Ben’s loud gasp at his confession helps re-center his focus on the boy.  “So you’re not bad for thinking it, Ben.  And it’s not wrong to defend yourself.  Your mom, dad, and even your Jedi uncle have all hurt people before, because they were fighting against bad things.”

Even with Hux’s assurances, Ben still seems conflicted.  _‘Why is an eight year old kid worried about doing bad things?’_

“Did someone tell you that you were going to hurt other people?”

Ben shakes his head mutely.

Wracking his brain for something that could cause this, Hux remembers something that haunted Poe at this age.  “Are you having nightmares, Ben?”

“Yes!  I’m all in black and wearing a helmet, but somehow I still know it’s me.  And I’m using this weird red lightsaber to cut people down, and it’s all blood and rain, and screaming!” Ben is almost sobbing when he announces this.

It only takes a few strides for Hux to cross his room to sit beside the boy.  One long-fingered hand lands on Ben’s back, and suddenly he has a lap full of shaking eight year old.  “Oh, Ben.  I know they’re scary, but nightmares are still just dreams.  It doesn’t mean you’re going to grow up to be that.”

He feels the boy shake his head, still crying.  “But that’s not the scary part!  In my dreams, I’m _happy_ to be hurting people.  It feels good, but then I wake up and it’s horrible.  And Uncle Luke says I’m Force-sensitive, what if they’re visions of the future?”

_‘This is so far beyond the galaxy of my experience,’_ Hux thinks helplessly.  _‘I’m a fifteen year old engineering student, what do I know about Force visions or Light versus Dark?  Why doesn’t he go to his parents, or his uncle?  What can I tell him?’_

“I think…you’re going to have a choice, or maybe a few choices to make, Ben,” Hux says at last.  As reluctant as he is to give advice, he can’t leave this little boy thinking he’s helpless to stop himself from turning to the Dark.  “My father would have had me follow in his footsteps and join the Empire.  When he left me behind, I thought about sneaking on a transport that would take me to him.  I’m glad I chose not to.  I doubt I’d like the person I would be by now, if I had followed him to the First Order.”

It’s a sobering thought.  While Hux holds the Republic in contempt, the older he gets, the more he realizes that his father was molding him into someone that wouldn’t recognize the person he is today.  Ben…though he’s already noticed the boy distancing himself from Leia, Hux can see she loves him deeply.  He’ll have support, if he chooses to accept it.

“You think I can _choose?_ ” Ben asks, tears drying a little as he looks up at Hux hopefully.

“I think that everything is a choice, in the end.  Why would the Force send you a vision like that if you couldn’t avoid it?  Maybe it’s a warning.”  Hux grabs a tissue to wipe the tears (and snot) off Ben’s face.  “I have to admit though, I don’t know much about the Force.  It was an avenue of study my father…discouraged.  Maybe you should talk to your Uncle Luke?”

Ben’s face scrunches up in an almost-sneer.  “Why would he tell me the truth about it?  Whenever I ask him to teach me more about the Force, he just tells me to be more mindful of my emotions.”

The expression sends a shiver down Hux’s spine.  It seems too old for a child to be wearing.  _‘Ben loves his uncle, I know it.  So where’s this resentment coming from?  There’s got to be more to this than a few nightmares.’_   But he can’t pry; not if he wants Ben to trust him enough to open up.

“Well, just think about it.  I’ll give you my holonet address too, you can write to me whenever you want, alright?”

“You really mean it?  I’ve never had a friend before.”

That tears at Hux a little.  “Of course I mean it.  I know Poe would like to hear from you too.”

The boy looks away.  “No he wouldn’t, not really,” his nose wrinkles in distaste, “he just cares about who my parents are, because they’re heroes from the rebellion.”

“His parents were heroes too, so I know it’s not because of that.”

“Then it’s pity.  He’s nice to me because I’m awkward and look funny; I’ve met kids who want to make friends with the ‘outcast’ because it makes them look good.”

For the first time in the conversation, Hux feels disappointed in the younger boy.  He grabs Ben’s chin and forces him to meet steady jade eyes.  “You’ve only known us for a week, so it’s excusable.  But I know my brother; he would _never_ pretend to be anyone’s friend for any reason.   Poe likes you, and I know he’s been a little hurt every time you turn down one of his invitations.”

“But I know he feels sorry for me,” Ben insists.  “I can _tell_.”

“How can you possibly know how he feels about you?”

Ben flushes and looks down, this is apparently something he hadn’t intended to let Hux know.  “I can sense people’s emotions through the Force.”

That takes Hux aback, but, “so?  I’m sure Kes and Shara pitied me when they found out I’d been starving on the street.  It doesn’t mean they didn’t also genuinely care for me.  Just because you can sense emotions doesn’t mean you’re interpreting them properly, you shouldn’t just rely on that.”

“What?  But – you said you didn’t know anything about the Force,” Ben indignantly digs in his heels, even as he yawns.

“I _don’t_ , but it’s just logical that feeling emotion without context isn’t going to get you the full story.  And how do you know you’re feeling _everything_ the way they do?”

Pouting, Ben heaves himself off Hux’s lap.  “You’re just saying that because you don’t understand the Force.”

“I may not, but I do understand kids.  Right now, you’re just being stubborn because you don’t want to admit you might be wrong.”

“No, _you’re_ wrong.”

Hux sighs heavily.  They’ve clearly reached the point where Ben is too stubborn and too tired for rational conversation.  “Ben, just think about it, alright?  But I think it’s time for you to head to sleep now, and I still need to get this assignment finished tonight.”

“Alright,” Ben says, reluctant.  Even though he’s still sulking, he pauses at the door to quietly say, “thank you for listening, Dearg.”

He’s gone before Hux can reply.  But it’s a good sign that he might at least consider what the redhead had told him.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seven years of correspondence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's a little different. Mostly it's comm mail back and forth between Ben and Hux, with the odd new story or holocall tossed in. Not nearly all of their communication is included in this chapter, or it would be even longer than it is.
> 
> Thanks to [theweddingofthefoxes](http://archiveofourown.org/users/theweddingofthefoxes/pseuds/theweddingofthefoxes) for her help with the journalistic parts, it's her OC that the articles are credited to. Also many thanks to [Valda](http://archiveofourown.org/users/valda/pseuds/valda) and [kyluxtrashcompactor](http://archiveofourown.org/users/kyluxtrashcompactor/pseuds/kyluxtrashcompactor) for their beta help.
> 
> I took the Tapani calendar available on Wookiepedia and messed with it to make my own calendar for this. I make no claim as to its accuracy, but it should at the very least be internally consistent.
> 
> Art of engineer Hux was done by the lovely [sigalawin](sigalawin.tumblr.com) on tumblr.

Primus, Centaxday of week Six, 14 ABY

Hey Dearg,

Or should I call you Hux?  We only just got back to Hosnian Prime, but I wish we’d been able to stay for longer.  Dad’s already off with Uncle Chewie again, and it’s so boring when Mom’s stuck in the Senate all day.  She’s offered to let me join her.  But politics is just as boring for waiting for her.  I hate having 3P0 watching over my shoulder saying “you should work on your lessons, Master Ben.”  Why is the stupid Senate more important to her than I am?

I won’t have to put up with it much longer though.  Mom thinks I’m old enough to join Uncle Luke at his school in the next couple months.  I don’t know if I’m excited or afraid.  What if learning to use the Force is what makes my nightmare happen?  I can’t talk to Mom about it.  What should I do?

Ben

P.S.  Thanks for letting me write to you.

____________________

Primus, Benduday of Week Six

Hello Ben,

I’m happy to write to you.  Composing this letter gave me a nice break between doing sections of my coursework.  I enjoy engineering, but reading is much less interesting than the hands-on work.  Fortunately, my professor from the local school agreed to serve as proctor for such assignments.

With _your_ mom, I must admit, it surprises me that you have no interest in politics.  Though maybe that’s because you hear too much about it at home.  It must not be as appealing when you know how much effort your mom puts in to get _anything_ done.  You’ll need some of her skills in diplomacy if you intend to become a Jedi though, right?  And I think _you’re_ one of the reasons the Senate is so important to her.  She grew up under the Empire, she must want to make sure you live in a galaxy at peace.

I understand why you’re worried about joining your Uncle.  You should really speak to him about your nightmare, he’ll know more than I do about Force visions.  If you’re not willing to just yet, keep in mind that having more control over your powers can’t hurt.  Perhaps it’s what you need to keep that nightmare from coming true?  I look forward to hearing about your training, Ben.  I’m sure Luke has some fascinating things to teach you.

As for my name, I’m happy to answer to either Hux or Dearg.  Call me whichever is more comfortable for you.

Sincerely,

Dearg (Hux) Bey

____________________

Primeday of Expansion Week

Hey Hux,

Mom brought me to Luke’s temple on Gatalenta last week.  I’m not sure how to feel about the few other padawans here.  They’re all wary of me, I can sense it.  Maybe they know I’m already more powerful than them.  Or they think Uncle Luke will favour me.  Like _that’s_ likely.  He could have already taught me so much, but he was always just telling me to meditate.  To be careful.

I like Gatalenta so far though.  It has a very peaceful atmosphere.  All the people here remember the Jedi, and have taken some of their practices.  Uncle says it’s one of the first planets he visited when he was learning to be a Jedi himself.  And the tea is really tasty.  Apparently it stays warm all year here, because of the triple suns.  Their poetry is really dull though.  And so _Iong_.

You were right about learning (finally) cool things though.  Uncle (though he says I need to call him ‘Master Skywalker’ when he’s teaching) has already shown us how to enhance our senses with the Force.  He says it’ll make me a better pilot.  Tell Poe we’ll have to see who can outfly who at some point.  

Ben

_____________________

Decimus, Taungsday of Week 7

Hello Ben,

I’m sorry I haven’t had time to write for the past little while.  I’ve been rather busy with my first-year project, designing a better diagnostics system for spacecraft.  For now, it only works on A-Wings, of all models, because that’s what I had available.  My goal though, is for it to be something that can be hooked into any starship pre-flight and quickly point out any problems that might have been missed during routine maintenance.  Kuat-Entralla Engineering has actually offered to sponsor my work!  At least if I can show proof of concept by the end of next term.  Professor Neva has already promised to help with getting me access to more ships for testing, as well as writing my proposal.

Thank you for the tea you sent for my birthday!  It’s wonderful, it kept me going while I was finishing the diagnostics system.  I’ve attached some holopics of Millie ‘helping’ me work (more like lying all over my circuitry notes).  She’s also developed a habit of knocking cups off my desk, so I have to keep an eye on her when I have tea.  I wouldn’t want any of it to go to waste.

Winter break is such a relief.  I can finally write back to you, and take some time away from bludgeoning my brain with textbooks.  Poe’s been complaining that I haven’t spent enough time with him lately.  I feel bad, but I also don’t want to let Kes down.  I know he pulled some strings to get me early acceptance with the CIT, especially since I chose not to move to Corellia for study.  At least when I’m not at my job, I can spend time with Poe.  We’re going for an overnight trip to Stargazer Hill this week.  There’s still relics of a fight between the Imperials and Alliance there.

I probably haven’t mentioned yet, but one of the scrap dealers I worked for when I was restoring Shara’s A-Wing?  He commed me the day after my birthday and offered me a part-time job.  I’ll be working 8 hours a week at his junk yard.  It’ll be great hands-on experience for my degree, knowing how things are put together.

Does Master Skywalker give you breaks at all?  I suppose it’s a little different for Jedi, since it’s a way of life rather than a job.  Can’t really turn off the Force, from what I’ve heard.  Though the Jedi version of hide and seek sounds like a lot of fun.  How hard is it to hide your presence in the Force?

I hope Master Skywalker can help with your nightmares.

May the Force be with you (can I say that, as a non-sensitive?)

Hux

* * *

Primus, Zhellday of Week 1, 15 ABY

Hey Hux,

Don’t be mad at me or anything, please?  It was bad enough with Uncle Luke being all like “I expected better from you, Ben.”  But I wanted to tell you because you _understand_.  Why can’t you be here?

My nightmares have started getting worse in the past few months.  I guess I woke up screaming a few times.  One of the other padawans doesn’t like me because I’m stronger in the Force than he is.  He heard me screaming and started making fun of me.  I tried to ignore him like you would, because you’re cool and don’t let stupid buttheads bother you.  But he wouldn’t leave me alone!  Finally he said that I was just a silly baby who probably wets his bed because he misses his mommy.  And I just got so _angry!_  I punched him right in his mean face, and then he jumped on me.  We fought until Uncle Luke got there.

_Master Skywalker_ sat us both down separately to talk to us.  He said he was pleased that I’d tried to ignore the other boy and hadn’t fought right away, but he was disappointed that I’d given in to anger.  He said that anger is a path to the Dark Side.  He said a _true_ Jedi can feel anger and set it aside by looking for why they’re angry.  It leads to the Dark Side because it stops you from thinking and makes it easier to do bad things.  That he knows I would be sorry after, but it’s too late to take the hurt back then.

I guess what he said makes sense, but how can I stop to think when anger just rushes up on me?  It’s like jumping out of hyperspace, it’s not there and then it is.  How do _you_ stop from being angry?  I’m not sure I’ll ever be a true Jedi, whatever that means.

As punishment for fighting, Uncle Luke gave me an extra hour of meditation every day for two weeks.  He said to take whatever I’m feeling and think about _why_ I’m feeling that way.  He also gave me a worry stone to concentrate on when I’m falling asleep to help with my nightmares.  It feels warm in the Force somehow.  But why did I get in trouble?  The other boy started it.

I hope you got the Yule gifts I sent for you and Poe.  One of the other padawans helped me make them for you.  I know it never really gets that cold on Yavin IV, but I  thought the gloves might help protect your hands when you’re working on machinery.  My dad has a pair like them.  And thank you for the datachip about Alderaan!  I know Mom wishes I knew more about it, but it makes her so sad to talk about.  I feel really weird when she’s sad like that.  Like I’m hungry, but I’m not?  Maybe if I surprise her by knowing more, it’ll make her smile.  Maybe then she’ll want to spend time with me instead of just leaving me here.

Ben

____________________

Quartus, Primeday of Week 5

Hello Ben,

I’m kind of embarrassed at how long this letter took me to type.  The other day at the scrapyard, I was working on an old freighter, and apparently there were parts stacked on top rather precariously.  I pulled out one of the calcinators, and it unsettled the whole pile to send it down on top of me.  One of the parts hit my arm and broke it.  I’m fine!  My boss got me to a medbay rather quickly, my scratches were treated with bacta, and I had a tetanus shot.  It’s just the arm left to heal, but that’ll take six weeks.

Really sorry to say, but I won’t be writing much until it’s healed.  The arm aches when I use it too much, and I have a ton of coursework to complete.  I promise, I’ll respond to all your mail when I’m healed.

Hux

_____________________

Sextus, Benduday of Week 3

Hux!

I’ve wanted to share this with you for a week, but Ilum is on the far side of the galaxy.  A week there and a week back on a freighter with the other padawans wasn’t fun.  But it was totally worth it!  Please don’t share this with anyone, but Ilum is where the Jedi go to find kyber crystals.

It was the most incredible thing.  There’s a ruined Jedi temple at the entrance to miles and miles of winding caverns.  Uncle Luke said that the Empire defaced it, but they didn’t want to block access to the crystals entirely.  I’ve never felt the Force so strongly in any one place.  I don’t know how the Imperials managed to keep a presence here, not when even non-sensitives can feel it.  It must have been like living with ghosts.  I wish I could show it to you though.

The caverns themselves are…  The walls are black rock that swallows light.  We all sat down to meditate at the entrance, but Uncle said to start off on our own when we felt our crystal call to us.  The Force and the confusion of the caverns...it messed with my head.  I saw...so much.  Some of it was familiar, and some of it was even worse than my dreams.  I think you’re right that I have choices to make.  I promise to tell you more, but I think I need to sort through some of it first.  It wasn’t all bad though.  My crystal was singing to me.  Following the song, I’m not sure how deep into the tunnels I went.  I know I walked past thousands of others, but I couldn’t see them.  I found _my_ crystal, and it came loose in my hand the moment I touched it.

Walking back to the surface was like a dream.  The visions continued but less clearly, like my crystal was shielding me somehow.  At the surface, Uncle gave me a hug and told me he was proud of me.  For once, it actually felt like he meant it.

We sat and meditated on our crystals as we waited for the others.  It was so peaceful.  And when I opened my hand to look at mine for the first time in daylight, it was a vivid yellow.  Like sunshine.  I’m happy I didn’t get a dark colour.

Now that we’re back at the Temple, I’m supposed to be building my lightsaber, but I just can’t get it to make sense.  I’m used to ship’s electronics.  This is too small, and I don’t know where to put all the wires.

Dad says if you want another ship to test your diagnostics program on, you’re welcome to use the _Falcon_.  With all the non-standard parts on it, he’d love something to tell him what’s wrong.  Chewie agrees.  Anything to make his job faster.  Especially when Dad says he knows what the problem is and then makes things worse.  Just comm him when you’re ready, he’ll make a run to Yavin.  (Chewie says he wants to spend more time eating your Dad’s cooking.)  I bet Dad wishes I was more like you.  The Force makes him uncomfortable.

Ben

____________________

Sextus, Taungsday of Week 4

Hello Ben,

I hope it’s not presumptuous of me to do this.  When you first went to study with Luke, I read whatever I could get my hands on about the Jedi.  I was curious about what you were dedicating your life to.  I also felt out of my depth when you first had questions.  I hoped learning more would help.

One of the things I found was lightsaber designs.  I’ve redrawn one of the schematics to suit what I know of you, I hope.  I’ve also included a list of assembly instructions.  If you haven’t already constructed your ‘saber, maybe they’ll help.

Yours,

Hux

____________________

Sextus, Primeday of Week 7

Hux,

Thank you!  The ‘saber design was brilliant, Uncle Luke was so impressed.  Your instructions were very easy for me to understand.  Even though I said he should ask you first, he gave them to the other padawans as well.  You made those for me!  I was going to share them with my friends, not the ones who make fun of me.

Training with my ‘saber is exhausting.  I fall into bed every night and pass out.  It’s enough that I don’t dream though.  My eyes keep closing as I write.  

Ben

____________________

Octus, Primeday of Week 2

Hello Ben,

Your Dad and Chewbacca stopped by last week.  Chewie was very impressed with the diagnostics system, and with his help I was able to make some improvements.  It was good to work with him.  I also introduced both him and your Dad to my boss, and they replaced some parts on the _Falcon_ .  I got to help.  It was fascinating to see the modifications they’ve made to the standard issue YT freighter.  My program was able to point out some parts of the _Falcon_ that have needed work for years.  It should be a smoother ride, next time you’re on it.  (Kes may have also pulled Han aside and made him promise not to give or sell my program to any of his... _contacts_.)

In the end, I’ve chosen not to work with Kuat-Entralla.  Da has heard some rumours that they’re contracting for the First Order, and Han was able to confirm those with information from Leia.  The _last_ thing I want to do is provide the Order with any technology.  I know Leia is stuck in the Senate even more often now, trying to convince them the Order actually poses a threat.  

You know how my Da has been teaching me how to use a blaster?  Chewie saw me practicing and let me try a couple shots with his bowcaster.  It was _amazing!_  He had to brace me though, I’m not strong enough to resist the kickback yet.  I’m still too scrawny.  Otherwise I’d try to make one.  It’s probably just as well.  I don’t think Da would be pleased about me blowing up chunks of the ranch.

Poe was thrilled with the visit as well.  Chewie let him ride around on his shoulders.  He said he missed doing it with you, at least once you learned to stop pulling on his fur.  And Han took us both up in the Falcon.  Poe was disappointed that he didn’t get to try flying it, but Han says that you get to do it first, as soon as you’re old enough.

Han had so many stories about you to share.  He misses you a lot, Ben.  But he told me that even if he doesn’t understand the Force, he knows how strong it is in you, and how important it is for you to learn to use it well.  I think he’s stayed away because he’s afraid of interrupting your training.  I’ve sent a few things with him for you, the next time he sees you.  (Ask him to visit, he’d love that.)

Some of those Force abilities you’re starting to learn sound dangerous.  How do you know when you’ve hit your limit with breath control?  Or when you’ve been in a recovery trance for long enough.  Please be careful.  Don’t feel like you have to push yourself until you’re hurting.

May the Force be with you,

Hux

* * *

Republic Day, 16ABY

Hello Ben,

I’m happy to hear your ‘saber training is going well.  I found some old videos on the Holonet of Jedi in action during the Clone Wars.  Of course, most of them were Imperial propaganda about the treachery of the Jedi, but it was fascinating to watch their form as they fought.  Very graceful.  I’m sure Shii-Cho is probably much simpler than that, but it’s incredible to see what you’ll be able to do one day.  And that pyrokinesis thing sounds very useful.  I would have given _anything_ to be able to do that back on Arkanis.  Or that ‘tapas’ thing.  You know, that’s a style of meal for the Ansarrans?

It would have been really handy to have you here two days ago.  I was studying in our fort for the quiet when I heard sounds of distress from nearby.  When I followed the cries, I found an injured whisper bird.  They might not be all that large, but their beaks are _so_ sharp.  I was wishing I had you around, or had that animal friendship power myself.  When I got her calmed down, I found a number of stintaril bites on her wing and side.  She let me carry her back to the ranch and put bacta and bandages on her injuries, but she really seems to have taken to Poe.  He tucked some fabric scraps into a shoebox, and she sleeps in that in his room.  It’s probably for the best anyways, we’ve had a hell of a time trying to keep Millie away.  I sent a picture taken as they were investigating each other, just before the bird pecked Millie on the nose.

Poe wants to name the bird Shara, but Kes is trying to convince him not to name her.  She’s still a wild animal, and we’ll have to let her go once she’s healed.  That was always the worst part about helping animals when I was living on the streets.  None of them would stay.  At least until I found Millie.

It’s the last year of my degree.  Part of me is looking forward to finishing, but at the same time, I really enjoy learning.  The program coordinator has decided to give me the resources to finish my diagnostics system as the capstone project for my degree.  This is on top of my regular coursework, where most of my classmates are working in teams.  If I don’t go mad from the pressure first, it’s going to be a project that can get me a job anywhere I want.  I think I’ll stick close to home though.  When the Damerons adopted me, I made a commitment to myself to watch out for Poe.

May the Force be with you,

Hux

____________________

Tertius, Centaxday of Week 3

Hey Hux,

Thank Poe for that whisper bird feather that Shara molted.  It’s beautiful, the same yellow shade as my ‘saber.  I’m glad she decided to stay around the ranch, it seems fitting that Poe has a pet bird.  Does she have the sense to stay away from Millie?

Jedi are strange.  Apparently even after they’re dead, they can come back and teach things.  I was thrilled when Master Skywalker told me that I was the first to master Shii-Cho.  He pulled me aside after dinner and told me he had someone I needed to meet.  I wasn’t expecting it to be a glowing blue man.  He was dressed in the traditional Jedi robes, with long hair and a beard.  I’m pretty sure he’s the one Uncle is trying to imitate, since he’s started growing a beard as well.

The Jedi introduced himself as Obi-Wan Kenobi.  Uncle says he’s the one my parents named me after, since he helped save Mom from the Death Star.  He’s also the one who was Uncle’s first teacher.  After introducing us, Master Skywalker left me with him.

I like Master Kenobi.  He’s been more upfront with me than Uncle has _ever_ been.  He took me to sit under the Force-sensitive tree while we talked, and it was very peaceful.  He told me that he decided to teach me not just because I was the first one to need to move on with ‘saber forms or because I’m named for him.  Master Kenobi has watched from a distance as I struggle with my emotions, but he felt it was time to help.  He understands because he had difficulty with his anger when he was younger.  Because of that, he’s going to teach me Soresu, a style he mastered.  I like it because he said it will allow me to be a shield instead of a sword.

I - there’s something about that idea that’s comforting.  Sometimes it feels like my family is putting all this pressure on me to become a perfect Jedi.  I know Mom wants a symbol to show the Senate.  Like my power will help her political career.  And Uncle wants someone to help him restore the Jedi to what they were.  I’m a sword in my nightmares, whatever is sending those wants me to be ready to kill.  Being a shield feels like one of those choices you told me about.  One step further away from going Dark.

I hope Master Kenobi doesn’t give up on teaching me like Mom and Dad did.  I don’t want him to leave me.  He showed me the first kata of Soresu that night, and it feels _right_.

Ben

____________________

Tertius, Benduday of Week 3

Hello Ben,

I wasn’t sure what to think when you told me that you were learning to fight from a ghost.  You’re right, Jedi _are_ strange.  Master Kenobi was - is? not only a well-respected Jedi, but negotiator and General as well.  I’m sure he has a lot to teach you.  Honestly, I’m a little jealous.  Can non-sensitives see Force ghosts?  I would love to meet him some day, if it’s possible.

Ben...you’re probably not wrong about what your family expects of you.  But I know that’s not everything.  When you visited here, I saw how much your mom loves you.  Did I ever tell you that she commed me after, thanking me for looking out for you?  And before you say it, no, she didn’t _ask_ me to.  Leia knows you have difficulty making friends, and appreciated that I wanted to keep in touch with you.  And Han - when he was here, he couldn’t stop talking about you.  He might be terrible at staying in one place, but that has nothing to do with how much he cares for you, Ben.  I’ve never met Master Skywalker.  I would bet though that he struggles not to show favouritism towards you.

I’m so happy that you’re learning things you think will help.  I know you’re a good person, Ben.  You just have to trust yourself.  And if you have more nightmares, maybe Master Kenobi would be a good person to talk to?  (Share anything you want with me, I just think you might be able to get more help from another Jedi.)

May the Force (ghost) be with you,

Hux

* * *

Primus, Taungsday of Week 1, 17ABY

Hello Ben!

I’m thrilled to be able to say I finished my degree, and even graduated with honours!  It’s been a bit mad, I actually went to Corellia for a final evaluation of my diagnostics system.  I’ve been there and back a few times to work with shipyards that my program coordinator got me access to, but hadn’t actually met most of my professors.  More than a few of them were shocked.  They had forgotten how young I am.  

While I was there, I had a few job offers, but I turned them all down.  Commander Zakiya approached me before I’d even finished my degree and offered me a job for the CDF.  I’ll be an engineer there, maintaining their starfighters.  They sorely need good people, since so many of the fighters are old.  I was asked a number of times why I was turning down far more lucrative jobs to work for a colony defense force.  Honestly, sometimes I wondered the same.  Not for the money, but some of the offers would have been cutting-edge research.  (Eventually at least.  I’m sure I would have been a low-level intern for quite some time.)  But all I had to do was remember what happened to Shara and I had my reason.

And Poe is delighted that I’ll be staying on Yavin.  Not only because he didn’t want me to move away though, Commander Zakiya has given him permission to stop by the base after school and use the flight sims they have for training.  He’s already having contests with some of the pilots, and they’ve been close.  In a few years, who knows how good he’ll be?

Master Kenobi sounds like a brilliant teacher.  I’m glad you’ve been able to learn so much from him.  I think I understand why Jedi start training so young now.  From the sounds of techniques like Force jump or senses, that’s putting a lot of strain on your body.  Force comprehension must be taxing on your mind.  When you’re young, your body has more opportunity to get used to the strain, and young minds are more plastic.  

You should ask Master Kenobi this, but I bet someone only discovering they have the Force when they’re older would have a more limited range of things they could do.  Not because of power necessarily, but belief.  So much of a Jedi’s skills defy human limits.  Someone only learning at 40 they could create a whirlwind with an invisible force?  I bet you have to believe that what you’re going to do will work, for the Force to bend to your desire.

Are you still working with Amalya on that Battle Meld technique?  I hope you aren’t allowing your training with Master Kenobi to affect your friendships with the other padawans.  It sounds reassuring, knowing someone will have your back because you can feel their actions.

Take care, Ben,

Hux

____________________

Primus, Zhellday of Week 2

Dear Hux,

I’m doing well!  Master Kenobi sends his regards, and says he’d quite like to meet you as well.  Non-sensitives can see powerful Force ghosts, as he is, but he says he’ll wait until I can introduce you.  He doesn’t want to be rude and just arrive without warning.

Uncle Luke asked me to start helping train some of the younger padawans!  He complimented me on how my emotional centre has improved since I started working with Master Kenobi, and said that he could use my help!  He wants me to help teach Shii-cho, and also talk to some of the new kids who are having difficulty with their emotions.  Uncle doesn’t understand what that’s like.  He was on Tatooine until he was 19, and he was more than ready to leave home by then.  Some of the new students are struggling with being away from what’s familiar.  It’s hard too, being told you have to release what you’re feeling to the Force.  I’m still having difficulty myself, but the advice from you and Master Kenobi has helped me stay calmer.  I hope I can help them the same way.

I’m still having nightmares though.  And sometimes thoughts that don’t feel like my own.  Uncle said that sometimes he hears his conscience speaking to him, but I don’t think that’s what this is.

Your job sounds so cool!  If I hadn’t been Force-sensitive, I think I would have liked to be a pilot or work on ships.  I bet you’re really good at it.  I remember watching you work on things when I visited.  And the ‘saber you designed for me is brilliant.  It’s the perfect balance, and fits in my hand nicely.  I wish you could visit, but I guess you’re probably pretty busy, huh?

Ben

____________________

Secundus, Benduday of Week 4, 18 ABY

Hello Ben,

Work’s been going really well.  I enjoy the challenge of making these starfighters operate at peak efficiency, when mostly they’re scavenged from the Alliance.  My diagnostics system has been welcomed by the other engineers here.  My Commander finally gave clearance for me to strip down and rebuild one ship a week, as resources allow.  And I know the pilots appreciate knowing their fighters are safer.  For the first time, I feel like I fit with people other than the Damerons and Neva.  (And you, of course, but our comm chats aren’t quite the same as speaking in person.)

I - I don’t entirely fit though.  Jess Pava’s one of the pilots, only just old enough to be accepted into the service.  She’s cute, almost a head shorter than me with thick, dark hair and rich amber skin.  I had just finished rebuilding her starfighter.  She was curious about it, so she watched me work much of the time and asked questions.  Jess asked me out on a date when it was done.  I really wasn’t sure how to react to that, no one’s ever been interested in me before.  I mean, why _would_ they be?  I’m tall but still scrawny from half-starving on the streets, and I’ve got this freakish weird hair colour that I share with my bastard father.  I’m sure she’s got much better looking people interested in her.  

But for some reason, she asked _me_ , and I wound up saying yes after stammering rather embarrassingly for a few moments.  We decided to go to a restaurant with Abhean food, which shares a lot of similarities with the Arkanian meals I grew up with.

I never should have agreed.  I’m ashamed to admit how badly I floundered when trying to talk to her.  It was _easy_ when I was working on her ship, mostly talking about mechanics and engineering with the occasional aside.  I didn’t have to look her in the eyes and try to think of something interesting.  I mean, _I_ find engineering fascinating, but I doubt she wanted to spend the first part of dinner hearing the same things that I’d already gone over during the rebuild.  And once I realized I was boring her, I just couldn’t think of anything to say at _all_.

Jess was kind enough to keep asking questions, even when I could only answer her with short, awkward answers.  I just - it’s been so long since I’ve had people outside of such a small group that looks past my heritage.  I never really made friends at school.  I need to find another hobby I can talk about.  At least dessert went a bit more smoothly.  Jess asked about Millie, so I shared the pictures on my comm.  It seems that pretty much everyone likes talking about cute things.  

After our meal, I took her home on my speeder.  She gave me a kiss on the cheek and told me I was sweet, but I doubt she’ll ask for another date.  Still, she was very kind.  I’d like to be friends with her, even if I make a terrible date.

Poe says to tell you he’s getting better on the flight sims every day, so you’re going to have to step up your Jedi skills if you want to have any hope of matching him.  I have to admit, it’s not just Poe’s usual exaggerated storytelling.  He’ll be flying circles around most of the pilots here next year, when he’s allowed to step into a real cockpit.  He’s already doing it in Shara’s old A-Wing.  I just hope they’ll give me a head’s up about which fighter he’ll be using before that.  No way I’m letting my brother into something sub-standard.

How is the teaching going?  Is Grryck getting any better at not bursting into tears whenever they think of home?  I’m sure your little trio is going to be the best ‘saber-masters in the bunch, the way you’re coaching them so carefully.  I’d love to see you working with the younglings.  To watch them trail you the way you used to do to me.  And if you need any help with physics or engineering, you only have to ask.  As much as I enjoy my work, it’s not as challenging as my studies were.  I miss designing things.

May the Force be with you,

Hux

____________________

It’s been a little over three weeks since Hux has last sent a text to Ben’s comm, and it keeps nagging in the back of his mind that Ben doesn’t usually take so long to respond.  Though it’s not out of the realm of possibility.  He’s been out of contact for longer than this before.  Still, most of his attention is on his work.  He’s re-wiring a particularly complex part of this X-Wing’s ion engine connected to the split wing, and he doesn’t want to mess it up.

Commander Zakiya’s rich, commanding voice rings out across the hangar, startling him into banging his head against the open engine compartment.  “Lieutenant Hux, in my office, if you will.”

Straightening carefully, he pushes his goggles off his face with one grease-smeared hand, saluting once he can see clearly.  “Of course, Commander.”  His long legs carry him easily across the duracrete.  She doesn’t miss a beat as he reaches her side, turning to return to her office with him just a pace behind.

“You have a...personal call on the holo.  I thought it might be best to keep it private,” she says quietly.

That surprises him more than anyone else.  “A holocall?  But - I never gave anyone the comm channel here.  I know it’s not for personal use.”

“In this case, Hux, I’m happy to waive that rule.  Take as long as you need.”  Zakiya waves him into her office, closing the door to give him privacy.

Hux is about to open it to ask what this is all about when he sees the tear-streaked face painted in wavering blue lines and forgets everything else.  “Ben!”  He rushes over and holds his hand out as if to wipe away the tracks of salt.  “Force!  What happened?”

“I...Hux…” Ben chokes on his sobs, curling in on himself until Hux aches to be able to comfort him in person.  To hold him as he did Poe when their mom died.  Helpless, Hux hums softly until the sobs wracking Ben’s thin form begin to die down.

“Shhh, Ben.  Whatever it is, we’ll figure it out.”  Hux doesn’t promise it’ll be alright.  Not after he tried to tell Poe the usual platitudes after Shara’s death and the normally happy boy screamed at him that nothing would be alright again.  “You and me, we’ll figure it out.  Just tell me what’s wrong.”

Furiously Ben scrubs at his eyes with the roughspun sleeve of his robe.  “I was getting _better,_ Hux,” he wails, and bursts into a new round of sobs.

He’s trying not to allow the anxiety and impatience over having one of the two he feels are his ‘charges’ in such a state to overtake him, but it’s hard.  Hux just wants to _fix_ things for Ben.  To know he can’t...it will make him too sharp if he lets it.  He finds himself singing quietly, a song in Arkanian he scarce remembered he knew.

“That’s beautiful.”  Ben sounds much calmer now.

Hux meets his eyes steadily, noting the dishevelled hair, frayed braid, and clothing tugged askew by frantic hands.  “Thank you, Ben.  Are you alright to talk now?”

Sheepish, Ben nods hesitantly.  If the image weren’t limited to shaky blue, Hux wagers he’d see him blush.  “I’m calmer at least.  I hope it’ll last.”

That sounds...ominous.  “First, are you alright?  You aren’t injured?”

“Not - right now.”

“Ben…”

“I’ve been getting so _angry_ and I don’t know _why!_ ” Ben cries out.  “I’ve been working so hard to learn control, and then suddenly two weeks ago, I put my fist through a plaster wall so I wouldn’t hit Amalya in the face!  And she’s my _friend!_  A few days ago I shouted at Grryck when they wouldn’t stop crying and clinging to me.  I’ve been trying to earn their trust and I threw that away and I don’t even know why!  Master Kenobi’s been helping as much as he can through shared meditation, but he can’t be with me all the time.  And the v…” Ben trails off, leaving Hux to wonder if the word he left unspoken was ‘voice’.  He’s had suspicions for awhile that not all of Ben’s impulses are natural, but he also believes that if he pushes Ben on that, it won’t end well.

“Do you think it could be something in the Force, Ben?  You seem very sensitive to even minor ripples, it could affect you more than the others.  I _would_ say it’s part of the crazed hormones of this time in your life, but this seems rather extreme.  Though it could be a combination of the Force and your hormones wreaking havoc on your system.”

Ben hiccoughs as he considers this suggestion.  Hux can’t help but find it endearing.  There’s so much pressure on padawans to be mature, but Ben is still so _young…_

“It - it could be,” he stutters a little over the words.  His hope for a simple explanation is painfully obvious.  “But that doesn’t explain my nightmare.”

“Is that why you called today?”  Abruptly, Hux realizes it must be the middle of the night on Gatalenta.  

Ben nods shakily.  One hand, wrapped in bandages, rakes through his thick hair.  “It was different from the dreams I’ve told you about.  I was dressed like I am now, but I had a crackling red ‘saber with a crossguard, one unstable enough to spit plasma.  I was standing facing off with Amalya and she was shouting at me.   _‘I won’t let you do it, Ben.  I won’t let you kill any more younglings!’_  And I looked down, and all around me were the bodies of the other padawans in...in pieces.  Amalya had only managed to gather a small group of the youngest behind her, and they were all staring at me, terrified.  Even though part of me was screaming not to, I killed her... and then I woke up.”

More than ever, Hux longs to just pull Ben into a hug and hold him until all his nightmares are forgotten.  The poor kid.  “I bet I know why you had that nightmare,” Hux says, keeping his voice deliberately light.

“Really?”  Ben’s large eyes are full of hope.

“Yup.  You’re afraid of yourself hurting those around you, right?  Because of those random bursts of anger?  And especially to hurt your closest friend, or the younglings you’ve dedicated yourself to teaching.”

“Yeah…”

“And you had that same ‘saber in the nightmares you’ve been having since you were a kid?”

Ben nods, mute.

“I think your mind jumbled those fears together.  It’s a lot like the nightmares you were already having, but you substituted people you’ve been worried about hurting during the day.”

“So...I’m not going to kill them all because I can’t control my anger?”

“Of course not!  You wouldn’t be so afraid of doing so if you were actually capable of that, Ben.  Trust me, I remember my father being totally calm when planning to execute one of his cadets for failure to perform.  And he certainly never thought about it afterwards.

“Plus, how angry were you to put your fist through a wall?  It looks like enough to break your fingers doing it.”

“I was just furious.  I couldn’t even see straight I was so angry.”

“And yet you still had enough self-control to hit the wall instead of your friend.”

Ben’s stiff posture goes boneless as he slumps in relief.  “That’s true.  Thank you, Hux.  I…”

“Ben?  What are you doing in the comm suite so late?”  Another voice breaks into the conversation.

Ben starts.  “Uncle?!”

“Hello, Master Skywalker,” Hux calls, when Ben looks too shamefaced (and suspicious?) to say more.

“Oh, Hux.  Was Ben bothering you at work?”

“Not at all.”

“I had a nightmare, Uncle, and I really needed to talk to Hux.”

Luke steps into view, resting a caring hand on Ben’s shoulder.  He looks much older than the holos Hux has seen of the last Jedi, more careworn.  “Are you feeling better now, Ben?”

“Yes…,” he’s cut short by a wide yawn.

He rubs Ben’s back soothingly.  “Do you think you’d be able to sleep again?  I can make you that calming tea you like.”

“Please, Uncle.”

“How about you say goodnight to Hux then, and go put the water on to boil.  I’ll get this shut down and join you in a moment.”

Dutifully, Ben nods, though Hux sees rebellion in his features.  “Goodnight, Hux.  Thank you for taking time away from work to listen to me.”

“Anytime, Ben.  You’re my friend, and if you need me, I’m happy to take time away from work.”

Ben looks much happier as he leaves.  

Luke holds up a hand as the door shuts behind him, eyes closing as Hux presumes he’s listening in the Force until his nephew is out of earshot.  The Jedi looks tired as he sinks into the chair set before the holocam.  “Will he be alright?”

Hux nods hesitantly.  “I think so.  For the next little while anyways.  I’m sorry, I can’t tell you more.”

“Because Ben’s trust is so fragile, I know.  If there’s ever anything you can share without violating his privacy though…  I love him as if he were my own son, but sometimes I just don’t know how to help him.”

“Asking Master Kenobi to teach him was the right thing to do.”

Sighing heavily, Luke rubs his hands over his face in relief.  It draws Hux’s eye to his prosthetic.  Holding it up, Luke gives a wry grin.  “The price I paid for an impulsive decision.  I just hope I can help Ben to choose a better path.

“Thank you, Hux.  Being such a strong support for Ben is more than I could have brought myself to ask of a fifteen year old, but you’re his rock.  I’m not sure he’d be in such a good place without you to talk to.”

“I...understand what it’s like to fear yourself.”

Luke nods slowly in understanding.  “Thank you.  I know Han and Leia appreciate your friendship with Ben just as much as I do.  If there’s ever anything we can do for you in return, just ask.”

Too staggered by the offer to really respond, Hux simply shakes his head.  “I would do it regardless.  I’m sorry, but I should really get back to work.”

“I won’t keep you.”  The connection shuts off with a last flicker and hum.

Imagine, the son of Commandant Hux with an open offer to ask favours of **_the_ ** heroes of the Rebellion.

* * *

Tertius, Centaxday of Week 2, 19 ABY

Hello Ben,

I’m sorry it took so long to respond to your last comm, but we’ve had an upheaval of sorts.  Poe turned nineteen just over two weeks ago, and immediately signed up to pilot for the Republic fleet.  I...may have shouted at him, interrupting Kes as he tried to congratulate Poe.  We had a huge fight, and it only ended when I walked away to cool off.

I don’t bring them up often, but I thought Poe understood my feelings about the Republic.  It was the Republic that denied me a home after my parents left me.  I was on the streets for _years_ because they had nothing but scorn for an Imperial orphan, and took plenty of abuse for it as well.  It gave me scars I don’t like to think about.  I respect some _individuals_ within the Republic very highly, but the system as a whole is corrupt, hypocritical, and in desperate need of reform.  I’m hoping Leia and those like her will manage it.  The First Order is just making the whole situation worse, because the Republic is denying their existence while still patting themselves on the back for being better than them.

Poe came to find me in the tree fort when he thought I might stay out overnight, and we spent a long time talking.  No matter what I said, I wasn’t able to convince him not to join the Republic fleet.  He said he wanted to follow in his mother’s footsteps.  That serving in the planetary defense force wasn’t enough for him, not when he acknowledges the First Order is an actual threat.  I can...understand his reasoning.  But it’s still hard for me to think of the Republic as a whole as something worth defending.  It’s a relief that I had the next day off, because even after Poe went inside, I stayed up all night thinking.

The next morning over breakfast, I told him and Kes that if I couldn’t change his mind, I was going with him.  If he was going to pull stupid flyboy stunts, I was going to be there to patch his fighter up afterwards.  After what happened to Shara, I’m not going to trust his safety to any other mechanic.  Poe was delighted, though I think Kes may have guessed at some of my real reasons.

So that afternoon, I went in to work anyways to talk to Commander Zakiya.  She was sorry to see me go, but she knew Shara too.  By the time I got back to the ranch, there was a comm waiting from Fleet Command, telling me to report to Naval Headquarters on Hosnian Prime in ten days.  I kept my rank as Lieutenant, and there was a guarantee that I would be assigned to Poe’s squadron once he passed Basic.

I arrived on base yesterday, was given a whirlwind tour and assigned quarters.  (Fortunately I was able to bring Millicent along.)  I’ll probably have had my afternoon orientation by the time you read this comm.  And now I should wrap this up, I need to head to the mess if I want to eat before then.

May the Force be with you, as always,

Hux

____________________

Tertius, Benduday of Week 2

Hey Hux,

Those jerks must just be jealous that you’re already so much better than them.  You’re brilliant.  It’s the same as the padawans here who don’t like that I’m more powerful.  You won’t have to work with them long, will you?  I’m sure Poe will breeze through Basic, and then you’ll both get reassigned.  And then you’ll hopefully work with techs that appreciate your brilliance.

Master Kenobi has been a great help lately with my random moments of rage.  He’s taught me how to remain conscious of my mental state, so when I feel anger seeping up, I can find a quiet place to meditate and control myself.  It’s not a perfect solution, obviously.  But I feel better knowing that I don’t have to worry about hurting anyone.  I just...I’m having doubts that I’m meant to follow this path.  Even when I’m not angry, I just have so much more emotion than anyone else here.  Even Grryck has mastered theirs faster than I have.  I can’t release them to the Force like we’re supposed to.  There’s just too much inside me.

And I’m not even sure how much of it is even _me_.

I should have told you this a long time ago, Hux.  The voice told me not to, but you’re the only one it feels like who’s never judged me.  For as long as I can remember, there’s been a voice in my head.  When I was really little, I thought everyone had a voice like that.  A little older and I figured it might be my conscience.  But it told me to do bad things a lot of the time.  Bad things that it said were good.

You were the first one to tell me that it all came down to my own choices.  I don’t have to do what anyone else tells me to.  I don’t have to _be_ what anyone else tells me to.

The voice introduced himself himself a little after I came to Gatalenta.  His name is Snoke.  He says that if I come to him, he’ll make me powerful.  He says the Light is weak, but if I embrace the Dark in me I can be truly strong.  Some of what he says makes sense.  Even without him speaking to me, I don’t think I can ever release my emotions like a Jedi.  If I go to him, I can use my feelings to make me stronger.  But everyone says the Dark is evil!  I don’t want to be a bad person.  I think he’s the one sending me the dreams about killing.  Would I have to do that if I went to him?

I just don’t know what to do.  Snoke promises good things, but it seems _wrong_.  And I’ll never be a proper Jedi either.  What if I can’t control my powers because of my emotions?  Uncle is always warning me to be mindful because I’m so powerful already.  Will making my powers stronger with training be a bad thing?

Help,

Ben

____________________

Tertius, Taungsday of Week 3

Hello Ben,

I’m glad you finally told me about Snoke.  I’ve had suspicions for quite some time, but I didn’t want to press.  Honestly, I don’t think you should be listening to a voice in your head that tells you not to let anyone know it’s there.  But it’s understandable that you would, since it’s been there your whole life.

Is Snoke the one who’s been distancing you from your family?  Telling you that Leia doesn’t care because she’s often working?  That it’s your fault that Han goes on so many trips?  That Luke is holding you back, that he won’t teach you how to _really_ use the Force?  Ben...those are abuse tactics.  Especially if he’s telling you that he’s the only one you can really trust.  Snoke is trying to make you dependent on him, so you stop questioning what he’s telling you.

Even when you were eight years old, crying in my lap, I was struck by how much it seemed you loved and hated your family at the same time.  The things you were telling me...it was too much for someone so young.  If that was him, I’m so glad I could help.  Glad that Snoke didn’t suck you into doing things you’d regret so he’d have more control over you.  I truly don’t want to tell you what to do, but my gut says not to trust Snoke.  (Actually, my gut is screaming to run in the opposite direction, but how can you do that from someone in your head?)

Please, think carefully about your choices.  I have no doubt that you’ll make the right ones.  If you trust Master Kenobi, share this with him.  There must have been other Jedi with similar doubts, even if only about their ability to work with their emotions.  And if you ever need to talk, I’ve attached the hash for the shared holocomm on base.

Take care of yourself,

Hux

____________________

Tertius, Taungsday of Week 3

Dear Master Skywalker,

I will not betray Ben’s trust by sharing his confidences, but I have concerns that the old ways of the Jedi will never work for him.  He’s too passionate and feels things too deeply to ever be able to entirely release his emotions.

Is there no way to be a Jedi without doing so?  Are there any paths for a Force-sensitive besides being a Jedi or a Sith?  Because to me, Ben’s emotions aren’t a bad thing.  He’s a sweet, caring boy.  If the way of the Jedi is based on compassion, well, he’ll do fine.  But not if you try to force him into that serene mold.  I really can’t see Ben ever even _faking_ serenity well.

How does Senator Organa manage her connection to the Force?  I’ve heard she’s powerful, but has she had any training?  Maybe Ben would be happier following her path.

I hope I’m not overstepping by writing to you like this.  I just worry about Ben.

Sincerely,

Hux

* * *

Zhellday of Expansion Week, 20 ABY

# Senator’s Scandal

Leia Organa Revealed to be Daughter of Darth Vader

By Aula Kazele

Senator Ransolm Casterfo opened this morning’s session of the Senate with shocking allegations regarding the parentage of First Senator nominee Leia Organa.  He presented a keepsake chest and music box belonging to Senator Organa as proof of her true parentage as the daughter of Darth Vader.  Senator Bail Organa adopted her and attempted to conceal evidence of her true identity.  This revelation, which some have called ‘troubling’, could cast doubt on all her achievements in the Senate.

It’s possible Senator Organa could be running for First Senator in an effort to follow in Palpatine’s footsteps.  Her true father was known to be a strong ally to the deceased former Supreme Chancellor of the Senate.  We all know the narrative of Organa and Solo helping to defeat Darth Vader.  As Vader’s alleged daughter, much is open to question, particularly since Luke Skywalker was the only witness to that final confrontation.  Anonymous sources close to the Populist faction have begun to question what Master Skywalker has been doing in his seclusion.  They note that we have only Organa’s assurance that he has dedicated himself to restoring the devastated Jedi Order.

In the wake of the session of the Senate, Organa barricaded herself in her office, and did not respond to requests for comment.  Senator Carise Sindian was happy to speak to this reporter, however.  She shared that she was the one to uncover the evidence which led to these allegations on a recent trip to Birren.  

“I feel that both the Senate and the public should be informed regarding the truth of Senator Organa’s parentage.  They should know who they’ve put in office,” Senator Sindian says of her motivation.

No further information is available at this time, but the Hosnian Star is committed to reporting on this matter as further revelations come to light.

____________________

Quartus, Primeday of Week 2

Hello Ben,

No, I’m sure that your mom didn’t keep it from you because she thinks you’re going to go Dark like he did.  If that was the reason, wouldn’t she have told you as early as possible, to use him as example of what not to be?  I bet it’s just as painful for her as it is for you, to know she’s related to Darth Vader.  He destroyed the only planet she’d ever known as home, as well as her adoptive parents, when the Death Star fired on Alderaan.  I remember my father gloating about it during the construction of the second Death Star.

It doesn’t _matter_ who your grandfather was.  How can someone you’ve never met influence you?  Your choices are still your own.  And look at your mom and uncle.  I assume it’s not common knowledge that they’re related, possibly because then the question of their parentage would come up.  But they’re both wonderful people.  You have much more Light in you than Dark, Ben.

The only good point in that whole article was that Luke was the only one there to see what really happened.  Ask him what he saw of your grandfather.  I think that now it’s been revealed, he’ll share what he knows with you.

You aren’t destined for the Dark, Ben, I know it,

Hux

____________________

Quartus, Primeday of Week 2

Dear Senator Organa,

I hope you don’t mind that I got your private comm number from Ben.  I’m sure that after what happened in the Senate, you’re screening your calls.  

I’m simply sending this to let you know that no matter what those fools in the Senate think, I still hold you in the highest of esteem.  The scorn that comes from having the wrong parentage is intimately familiar to me.  It seems even more foolish to question your many achievements in the Senate based your relation to a man who you were instrumental in defeating.  

Somehow it does not surprise me that the Senator responsible for this reveal is Carise Sindian.  I remember my father speaking of her when I was growing up on Arkanis.  She may have ties to the First Order.  They’re the ones who stand to gain the most from this.  As far as I’m concerned, this just proves how corrupt the Senate truly is.

Whatever comes of this, you have my support.  I’ve spent the last few days arguing with those on base who would say otherwise.

Sincerely,

Dearg Hux Bey

____________________

Harvest Day

Dear Hux,

I feel free at last.  There’s no heavy presence in my head any more.  I didn’t even realize it was there because I’ve spent my whole life living like that, but I feel so much lighter now.

After Master Kenobi told me that he taught my grandfather when he was still Anakin Skywalker, and all the regrets he had for not being able to stop him from going Dark, I spent a long time thinking.  I finally decided that I could trust him enough to tell him about Snoke.  That was two weeks ago.

I’m not sure what he said to Uncle, but a few days later, Master Kenobi told me we were going on a meditation trip.  We took the shuttle to the far side of the planet from the temple, which is still mostly uninhabited.  With Master Kenobi’s guidance, I performed a modified version of a technique called Flashburn.  It’s usually used after a Jedi goes through a particularly traumatic experience he says, and cuts off the memories like they don’t exist.  He asked if I wanted to do that with my memories of Snoke.

That’s the reason why I used a modified version.  I really want to erase my memories of Snoke.  But I feel like if I did that, I wouldn’t be able to explain my nightmares.  I also figured out that he was magnifying any of the bad feelings I had.  I wouldn’t be able to explain that anymore either.  Instead, we burned away his influence on me.  It was kind of like shutting him into a box in my head.  So far, I can still hear him telling me I’m choosing to be weak, that he’s the only one to really understand me.  But it doesn’t feel like I have to listen to him any more.  I never realized how much it felt like I _had_ to before.

I still have stronger emotions than any of the other padawans, but I don’t feel so out of control.  For the first time, my feelings are only my own.

Thank you, Hux.  I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to repay you.  If I didn’t have you telling me things different from Snoke, I’m not sure what I’d believe by now.  You were my example.  You weren’t afraid to say that you’d thought of hurting people too, that my thoughts weren’t my actions.  You told me I had _choices_.  Snoke told me that he was my only choice.

I wish you had been here to help with the Flashburn.  Master Kenobi told me it helps to have someone you care for deeply there during the process.  But I didn’t want to wait for you to be able to visit.  Not with Snoke in my head feeding me poison.

Ben

____________________

Novus, Centaxday of Week 7

Hello Ben,

If you keep having younglings trail around behind you like that, you might find yourself with a padawan sooner than you’d thought.  I keep thinking that you’re a youngling yourself, since aside from that one holocall, I haven’t seen you since you were eight.  Though - I’ve been there to watch Poe grow up, and I still keep half-expecting to turn and see him the age he was when we met.

Speaking of Poe, he’s inherited his mother’s persuasive tongue.  He’s charmed not only everyone in his squadron, but everyone on base here on Mirrin Prime.  It’s ridiculous.  So naturally, the next thing was to turn his persuasion on me.

It turns out that the Veterans Association here on Mirrin was doing a fundraiser, and every year the Naval base helps them out with it by doing a sort of ‘sexy’ calendar shoot.  They get twelve of the fitter pilots and techs to pose for a month of the calendar.  Poe volunteered right away, of course, but he wanted me to do so too.  Honestly, I don’t know why anyone would want a shot of my skinny ass hanging on their wall for a month.  Since it’s Poe though, he got me to agree in the end.  He’s picked up Millie’s pleading eyes, I swear.  

One of the other techs had to back out at the last minute.  They caught the Devaronian shingles, and were laid up in bed with an awful rash.  Poe grabbed the photographer and dragged them to the hangar where I was working on his X-Wing.  They took the picture even though I was sweaty and covered in grease.

I’m not sure how often mail gets delivered to Gatalenta, but I sent you a copy of the calendar.  Have fun laughing at how ridiculous it is that I’m in there along with a whole bunch of gorgeous, fit people.

May the Force be with you,

Hux

[ ](http://http://thecopperriver.tumblr.com/post/152261979473/i-commissioned-the-amazing-sigalawin-to-draw-my)

* * *

 

Secundus, Benduday of Week 6, 21 ABY

 

# Jedi Temple on Gatalenta Attacked

By Aula Kazele

In the early morning hours of Taungsday, the residents on Gatalenta nearest the Jedi Temple were awoken by the sound of screams and the crackle of lightsabers as an attack began.  Peaceful people, they sounded an alarm for the nearest branch of the Republic Fleet to investigate.  Unfortunately, the mysterious attackers had fled by the time the Fleet Cruiser _Dardanus_ arrived.

Investigation by the officers of the _Dardanus_ revealed that the attack was likely carried out by other Force users.  All damage appeared to be the distinctive marks of lightsabers or the fire left by the attackers as they left.  Due to this fire, identification of the remains has thus far proven to be impossible.  However, it appears there were no survivors.

This publication would like to extend our sincere condolences to the families who have lost loved ones in this unprovoked attack.  Particularly to former Senator Leia Organa, whose brother founded the Temple, and whose son was known to be studying there.

Investigations continue to find those responsible for this attack so they may be brought to justice.  If you have any information, please contact the investigations branch of the Fleet.

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi on tumblr at [thecopperriver](thecopperriver.tumblr.com)


End file.
